It’s been a while. The transition into the new year has been seamless. It’s as if the concept of the new year has dissipated. The truth is, I’ve been caught up with a lot of developments that have prevented me from being able to reflect on 2010 and set my targets for 2011. Today, 12 days into the new year, I finally have a chance to do so.

We like to magnify and complicate our lives. Upon further inspection, my life is pretty much divided into different compartments. When life is broken apart, somehow things look more manageable. Let’s start by doing a brief review of 2010. After all, we should not dwell too much on the past for it is gone and can never be changed.

If I can sum up 2010 in one word, it would be “recovery”. I had my knee surgery in March. Since then, it has become the centre of my existence. Complications, infections and hospitalizations. The pain, lethargy and mental strain really left a lasting impression on me. So much so that I couldn’t even life my life meaningfully. There were moments where I felt genuinely depressed. Now, it seems like the worst is finally over. Alhamdullilah, may it last as long as it possibly can.

The surgery meant I was continuously absent from work. It’s like I’ve become a forgotten man. It helped that I had emotional support at work. My principal Ms Ong in particular has been very understanding. Of course, the crazy gang was there for me. They have been such pivotal figures in my work and personal life. Such friends are hard to find. Such colleagues are even harder. So to Alfiyan, Hirman and Saravanan. Thank you.

Of course, my bro Jaz has been encouraging through my dark moments. He just did his usual thing. Listening to me. Giving encouragement. Reminding me to keep an open mind and never give up. Tending to my spiritual healing as well, advising me to always ask for help and assistance from Allah. So thank you to you Jaz.

My parents cared for me through my time at home. They chided me for trying to rush my recovery. They would come and visit me when I was cooped up in the hospital. My mum would bring me food and ask me how I was doing. My dad would be my courier, taking things from home whenever I needed them. He would also remind me never to stop praying, regardless of my condition. Sure, it’s natural to expect such things from your parents. But for doing it so well and considering that I encounter many pupils who lack the parental support, I am thankful.

But the person who deserves the most praise is my fiancee Yun. She truly has been a pillar of strength through it all. She’s with me in hospital every other day. She reassured me when I was unsure. Picked me up when I was devastated. Attended to my every need, even when I keep telling her not to trouble herself. Somehow, I feel I came out of this ordeal loving her even more than I did. That’s the beauty of love. Just when you thought you could not love someone else any deeper, you end up doing so. Thank you sayang. I love you so much.

But enough of 2010. On to 2011.

Work – I have been ‘promoted’ to Discipline Master of my school! That means I have more responsibilities but the same pay. Shocking to say the least especially since I’ve been on medical leave for so long. Then again, a colleague told me it’s possibly the school’s way to make me pay my debt to them. It’s been tough and I’ve been so worn out but I really hope I can be a good DM. When Ms Ong approached me with the position, I felt light-headed. Seriously. I’ve been given a high ability class at the same time too! No more worries about them failing but now it’s a different kind of pressure. To ensure that they get Band 1. I’ve been set a target of 100% quality passes for all the subjects. So no pressure.

Study – I have 45 credits left to finish my uniSIM studies! Can see the light at the end of the tunnel. InsyaAllah, I’ll finish my course by mid-2012. After that, I will try to get emplaced and hopefully be able to enjoy a better pay. Somehow, it’s difficult to leave teaching. No matter how tough things are, being in a classroom around kids excites me. I pray that Allah grants me the health and strength to do my best in this noble profession.

Football – Guess what? I’ve been playing football again. A few weeks back, I came back to my beloved Redbacks. No surprise it makes me feel whole again. From limping across the field to light jogging. In my last game, I was able to go box-to-box (at half-pace against a quarter-pace team nonetheless) and almost scored a goal. Almost is the word. Damn, I was alone with the keeper. 5 metres out with all the time in the world and I put the ball against the post and wide. I still have to take things easy though. Slowly does it until I return to full strength and hopefully, I will be able to play some of the best football that have not been seen since 3-4 years ago. InsyaAllah.

Marriage – Finally, the one event that I’m really looking forward to: marrying my love. Well, it was supposed to be this June but it has been postponed to Jan 2012. Just gives me the opportunity to settle things the best way possible this year. Exciting times. Preparing for a wedding can be a stressful time too, that’s for sure but I’m sure Yun and me will get through it as we always do. And in our own little way. This is our 3rd year together. She means the world to me and I hope that we will have a happy and blissful life together.

Ya Allah, please bless my life. For only You can.

Back to Liz’s group’s project. They linked up with a local Christian/Church (CC) group to conduct some sort of a camp of delinquents. However, it was interesting for me to find out that the participants of this camp is MALAY juvenile delinquents. Of course, in an age of ethnic and religious integration, such occurrence should be considered a norm. But it got me questioning the reason why the group would focus on such a specific group? Another point put forth by Jaz is that the camp would run for the entire week. The participants would not be required to go for Friday prayers because they are not the type to attend anyway.

I imagine if I were to relate this news to other members of the Malay/Muslim (MM) community, the reaction would probably be like this: “This is an outrage! Why are they approaching our kids? This is just a ploy for them to convert these kids to their religion in the future!” Yup, it would probably cause a lot of anger in the MM community.

Then, I thought about this issue even deeper. I’ve come to the opinion that it’s fair game. Kudos to the CC group for being proactive and ambitious in their strategy, that is if it is really their ultimate intention. Before we are quick to point fingers at other people for supposedly ‘corrupting’ our youths, we should probably ask ourselves why can’t our local MM groups do the same. There must be a reason why these youths would choose to go for the camp. Why are we unable to engage our supposedly ‘wayward’ youths and what is it that these CC groups do that draw the youths to them?

The way Islam has been portrayed in the media has brought about the image that we are a religion of terrorists and extremists. Young people cringe at the fact that we forbid drinking, a symbol of socializing. We frown on provocative and suggestive dressing, thus preventing our youngsters to look like the Hollywood artistes that they idolize. All in all, Islam is seen as ‘backward’ and stifling.

On the other hand, little is done to highlight what Islam truly entails. We promote peace and tolerance. We should not drink because we can indulge in damaging activities such as murder, theft and violence when we are intoxicated by liquor. We encourage our women to dress decently because we do not wish them to become objects of lustful fantasy by other men and reduce the possibility of someone losing control and taking advantage of them. The fact is that Islamic values remain relevant and even necessary in these modern times.

The mentality and attitude of the local MM community needs to change. I mentioned in a previous post about how certain members of the MM community are quick to differentiate and distance themselves from those who are deemed a disgrace to the community. We need to bridge the gap. We need to stop adopting a ‘holier than thou’ stance. At times, even I find myself marginalized in mosques. There I was sitting among a group of men during a prayer/sermon session. This man wearing the jubah, sarban and carrying prayer beads came and shook hands with everyone around me but chose to ignore me when I reached out my hand to shake his. From my observations, he did not know everyone that he shook hands with. When I looked harder, the only difference was that I was wearing civvies (polo tee and jeans with no songkok) while the others were in the same uniform that he was wearing. Why did he overlook me? Only Allah knows.

Such behaviour only serves to create rifts between members of the community. Then there’s a group of men who goes around neighbourhoods calling people to come to the mosque, also known as tabligh. I applaud them for their efforts. It’s not easy walking up to strangers and asking them to walk the path of Allah. However, sometimes I feel they are a little out of touch with the rules of engagement in the modern world. I recall seeing two or three MM youths, all decked in their best clothes, literally surrounded by the men of the tabligh at a coffee house in Tampines. As the men were talking to the youths, they were getting stares from everyone around them. I looked on with interest as the faces of the youths showed that they were getting very uncomfortable and even embarrassed at the manner that they are being approached.

From my own personal experience, a tabligh group came to my house once and asked me to go to the mosque that night. I was recovering from my surgery then and I told them that I could not promise that I would make it. I didn’t tell them the reason at first but I felt a little disappointed when the man told me that I must fulfill the invitation as it would be a sin to refuse. Once again, the ‘holier than thou’ stance reared its ugly head. He talked to me as if I have never set foot into the mosque. It would have been easy for me to tell him that I go to the mosque for morning sermons every Sunday but there was no need for me to do so. Whatever I do, let it be between Allah and me. Having enough him talking down to me, I lifted my sarong to show him the stitches on my knee. When he saw it, he apologized and quickly moved on to the next door.

Something has to be done to help our future generation. I may not have all the solutions but perhaps the following are some things we can do in our own capacity to make a difference.

1. Focus on benefits, not consequences. Extol the virtues of living the path of Allah. Don’t keep focusing on the fact that sins are committed for bad behaviour. Instead, show people how they can become better.
2. Treat all men as equals. No human can differentiate how high we stand in the eyes of Allah. Every person has their virtues. Befriend people, do not alienate them.
3. Take a soft approach when performing dakwah. Listen to people and tell them personal stories that relate to them. Keep repeating but do not impose.
4. Practice patience. Sometimes I get the impression that our people try to change others too abruptly. Allah works differently for each of us. We do not know when our hearts will be opened by Him. Changing requires a great deal of investment, therefore persevere.
5. Lead by example. Talk is cheap if not substantiated by action.

May all of us find our purpose in life and walk the path blessed by Allah.

AEDs assist teachers in matters pertaining to teaching and learning. Depending on the requirements of the school, the duties might include:
1) Conducting small group remedials for pupils (They are not allowed to take a whole class).
2) Preparing materials to be used in lessons.
3) Assisting teachers in CCA duties.
4) Performing a limited number of periods on relief.

AEDs were introduced to add value to our education system and to a certain extent, I believe that they have contributed to the quality of the system. However, the crux of my argument today is not about the role that they play. Rather, I’m irked by the fact that some people of my community would use such a role as a means to impose a supposed superiority and a sense of false greatness over others.

I am of the opinion that regardless of what we do for a living, it does not give us the right to feel that we are better than those around us. Every job in the world has been made for a certain function and even though there is no equality in remuneration, prestige and job satisfaction, everyone has a role to play. Does being a teacher make you better than a cleaner because you deem yourself to be more valuable and useful? Is a financial planner with the power to control how much he earn better than a police officer who accepts a fixed salary because he is committed to safekeeping the order of the nation?

There should be no shame in doing what we choose to do but there is no reason for us to be arrogant about it. I was wondering what was the motive of this lady who bragged about her child being an AED in a secondary school compared to someone who she described to being “a relief teacher in a primary school”? To state a fact, that someone is currently undergoing training at NIE to be a full-fledged teacher. 2-4 possible years of training as a teacher compared to 3 months as an AED surely demonstrates which role is more significant, in the eyes of the ministry at least.

From my limited studies (like real only), such behaviour takes place because an individual wishes to address his/her own insecurities and shortcomings. In essence, the person feels pretty low or embarrassed about his/her life so he/she placates himself/herself by imposing the idea that other people are worse off than they are. My impression is that this lady probably felt good after unloading to Jaz’s mum. Unfortunately, I’m sure she’ll feel terrible again after a few days and to top it all off, she is unaware that Jaz’s mum is too experienced, strong and resolute to be bothered by such an outburst. Laughable really.

At the end of the day, remember that whatever we have or obtain in life is only possible through the grace of Allah. Whatever he gives, he can take away. Instead of bragging to others, spare a moment to say “Alhamdullilah”, for all praises are only worthy to Him. Practice humility in our everyday lives and respect other people for who they are and not for the amount of money that they earn. Keep arrogance far from our hearts for that will lead us to our downfall.

Luckily for me, through experience and great advice from some people, I am not so worried about having my pay deducted. I have managed to save enough to tide me over the difficult period. Not to mention I received another payout from my hospitalisation policy a few days back. I got ‘paid’ $450 for being in the hospital for 8 days. I wasn’t even expecting it. To think I just signed for the policy last month. I must be AIA’s least favourite client at this point of time.

Being bankrupt (in theory at least) in my early adult life has really taught me the importance of being prudent with my spending. The standard of living in Singapore is high indeed. The conveniences that we want often means that we would have to sacrifice a substantial amount of our monthly compensation. I admit it is embarrassing when friends and colleagues make fun of me for riding a tiny bike. They have called me things like ‘clown’ and ‘giant’. I do envy them at times for having their own drives. But I keep telling myself I have a bigger long-term plan to achieve.

The financial challenges of a single man is nothing compared to one with a family. I would like to share with all of you how I plan my finances on a monthly basis. Maybe there’s something in it that you can learn and apply to your life, whether you’re married or not.

Sometimes I wonder if there is a set of guidelines that I follow. Perhaps the main component of my monthly financial plan is my savings. Most financial experts recommend saving about 15% of your monthly pay. But that should be the minimum that you can afford to put in. If you can put in more, then do it. I have saved about a quarter of my pay each month. In recent months, I have saved about a third of it since I’m getting married in Jan 2012. It doesn’t make sense saving the same amount if you have a big event in coming years.

The next major component of my monthly spending is on insurance. There are a few areas of insurance that every single man (or woman) should aspire to having. You should have critical illness (+ disability) insurance, hospitalization insurance, investment-linked policies and personal accident plans. I reiterate that these are MUST HAVES. Look at the statistics, 1 in 4 Singaporeans will have cancer. Hospital fees are sky-high and an unexpected 42-day stay can wipe out your Medisave account that you have accumulated for the past 5 years (like what almost happened to me). The money you save in the bank will not work hard enough to yield a healthier return in the future. If you ride/drive or take part in sports or physical activities, you better have an accident plan as well. A quarter of my pay goes to servicing my premiums. Many feel that you won’t see where your money goes if you put it into insurance. A lot of them feel, “What if nothing happens, my premiums will disappear just like that.” Instead, ask yourself what if something does happen and you are not prepared for it. Don’t leave things to chance. Have something instead of nothing.

The next quarter is pretty straightforward. It goes to my mother. My mother has been the best example of saving. I’ve always been tasked to updating her passbook and I have seen her savings steadily increase over the years. Also, I believe that Allah will repay the charity we give to our family, friends and others. It might not be in monetary terms, but these things somehow add up to something bigger and you will enjoy the benefits in the long run.

The final quarter goes to expenses. That means I have about $500 to use for paying off my bills and my recreational stuff. I do have a lot of bills to pay off. Check this out. Handphone+Internet+MioTV+Home line = $120. That leaves me with about $300 left to spend. HOW CAN???!!!

CAN! The last thing I’m going to share with you is to spend on needs basis. Cannot say this enough but spend on what you really need. Temptation is everywhere. We humans always love new things. Be smart with your money. Buy clothes after throwing out ones you can no longer wear. Don’t buy a new LCD TV if your old-school TV can still serve you well. Keep straining that tiny motorcycle under the weight of your heavy frame even if it means you become the object of ridicule by your car-driving friends. As single men, we need to put more into savings. There will be greater challenges when we’re married with housing and living expenses making its way into our lives. Save money as if you will be the sole breadwinner of the family. If you marry someone who works, the extra cash is just a bonus.

One more thing, avoid debt. Pay off your credit card bills completely when you get your statement each month. If you earn less than $3000 a month, DO NOT BUY A CAR. Off-peak or otherwise. Sure, you look stylish and cool. But trust me, a car is a sure way to dry up your liquid assets. Nothing stylish and cool about a guy with no dough in his wallet. Let’s face it dudes, money talks. Women would pick a man with cash and no car over a man with no cash and a car any day. At least the dude with cash can afford to hire a cab to make up for his lack of wheels. Last I checked, I have not seen a car pay for a dinner date.

Be contented with what we have. It doesn’t mean you have to do away with having fun when you’re young. You just have to get creative and know when you can have expensive fun. Gosh, that sounds wrong but the bottom line is we are the masters of our fate. InsyaAllah, we will live long lives and we need to find sustenance to carry us through the journey. Good luck with your cash!

Maybe it’s because of the visitor limitation imposed by the hospital. It may be quiet up here but it is definitely rocking downstairs. I caught a glimpse of the chaos when I went downstairs to find more reading material. There were mostly Malay families with the patient in the now familiar uniform being the centre of attention. For a fleeting moment, I am proud of being Malay and for the family values that we hold dearly onto.

But as I returned to my ward, my thoughts entertained something rather sad. For every patient who is visited by his loved ones downstairs, there are many others who are literally ignored. In my room of 6 beds, 2 are empty. In one of the other three beds, a man who was admitted last night sleeps peacefully. To my right, a retired teacher flips through his Straits Times for the umpteenth time, occasionally stops to entertain his solitary visitor, engaging in deep and intellectual conversation. I almost choked on my Milo the other day listening in on the two 80-somethings talking about how Cesc Fabregas is a fading force at Arsenal.

In the corner of the room, I spy on an Indian/Eurasian man who I shall name Mr. John. Mr. John has been here before I was admitted. As far as I remember, he has always been on that same bed. He sleeps there, eats there, drinks there, urinates there. Even the nurses sponge him down in that bed. During the dull periods of the day (actually, it’s always dull here), I see him staring far far away. I wonder, “What is he thinking about?”

Mr. John just underwent an amputation recently and what bothers me the most is that why has nobody visited this man. Even though he looks a bit disheveled, his facial features bear the mark of a gentleman, a distinguished man of yesteryear. Had he no family? Or had he done something that alienated him from his children. Or perhaps he’s contemplating life without a limb. How scary that must be, knowing his life has profoundly changed for good.

Sometimes I feel guilty when my parents and Yun come to visit me, knowing how far the journey is for them. But when I think again, I’m glad they come. For their presence makes me feel I’m valued. That little time that they spend with me cheers me up immensely. Enough to allow me to sleep through the night knowing that there are people out there who care for me. I don’t mean that the people who do not come to visit me do not care about me, but these are the people who will be there for me through thick or thin.

We are blessed to be living in a country such as Singapore. Imagine if our loved ones stayed at differing ends of another country like Malaysia. Imagine that, you living in JB and your parents living in a northern state like Kelantan. Separated by almost 1000km. At least that gives us a reason not to visit often. Yet, some can’t even afford to call their parents every now and then, just to remind them that they are remembered and cherished.

Yet, in a country where it takes less than an hour to travel from Boon Lay to Tampines, people choose to distance themselves. People go about their lives as if God did not afford them even a few seconds to convey a simple message to the people that should matter. Old patients are left to mull about their lives in the prison of a hospital bed. An elderly mother sits in the solitude of her home, staring at the door, hoping for the arrival of her children and grandchildren to brighten her day. A doting father waits gingerly by the phone, hoping for his sole heir to call from whichever country that he/she calls home.

What have you done to your loved ones today?

I had just conducted a Health Education lesson in school. It’s one of those subjects that not many form teachers pay attention to. Often it is replaced with core subjects such as English, Math or Science.

Today, I am reminded that the beauty in teaching these subjects is that it serves as a reminder to ourselves as much as imparting a certain set of skills to our children. Teaching Social Studies sometimes remind me how fortunate I am to be living in Singapore despite its idi0syncracies. At least I know that there is little risk a disgruntled policeman might just burst onto 913 and hold everyone on the bus hostage.

The Health Education lesson covered the issue of Conflicts. It involved helping the pupils recognize what is a conflict and how we should deal with these conflicts. I liked the way how simple the book demonstrated the various conflicts that the children could experience. From arguing over what TV show to watch to not wanting to meet certain annoying relatives when they come to visit.  

The discussion was really flowing and the pupils shared their thoughts and feelings freely without any inhibitions. These are Primary 3 pupils mind you. Kids these days are such good talkers. I just wished they were just as good at writing compositions.

Anyway, back to the lesson. As I conveyed the message to the students, inspiring them with words of wisdom from Mr Khairil’s Book of Life, I began to think about the things that I have had to deal with recently. Sometimes, I feel that, as adults, we lose this ability to separate our emotions from the conflict at hand. We also lose the ability to take perspective and see things from the other party’s point-of-view. More crucially, we seem reluctant to apologize even when it is clear that we are in the wrong.

Perhaps it has something to do with being an adult. We feel that we have grown up and made something of ourselves. Thus, we have a set of values that we swear by and let nothing compromise those values. Anything that even threatens this self-image that we have is viciously and savagely rejected and rebutted, without considering the truth that might be hidden between the layers of malice and barbed intentions.

Having a knee-jerk reaction to everything certainly does not help the situation. I have been faced recently with a situation where I could have done something about. However, I resisted from making the first move because I keep telling myself, “Why should I? I don’t owe him anything.” and thinking that by making the first move, I would be admitting defeat and passing the ‘power’ to the other party.

I let my emotions get in the way. But then, I am just human and it is difficult to hide your emotions when you feel really strongly about something. I could have dealt with it better and I believe it is never too late to make things right. The important thing is that everyone should be open to discussion and communication and try to enter them without any prejudice or predispositions.

I just hope we can put this behind us and move on.

I am a person who usually chooses to avoid conflict and confrontation. I would like to think that I am very accommodating to the needs of others. So much so that I have been accused of being soft and lacking guts. I could not disagree even more. I believe in not wasting my time on people who do not deserve it.

I am a person who firmly believes that the value of a man lies in his principles and his word. A man has to be brave to make decisions and be steadfast in the choices that he makes. I believe that action speaks louder than words. In fact, actions do not really speak, they do things that words can never do.

I can tolerate people who like to talk to talk and not walk the walk, as long as they do not intrude into my personal space or the space of those I hold dear to me. I can hate your guts but I can also respect you if you walk the talk.

It is not my place to judge others for I am just another human being finding his way on Allah’s green earth. But I do feel I am entitled to let you know if I feel that what you are doing is not right. Sometimes, we build this image of ourselves until we are unwilling to accept the perspective of others. We always think that what we do is right. I always try to look at things through the eyes of other people. I try to understand their predicament and tell myself that there must be a good reason that they do certain things.

But I ask myself, “Do these people try to see it from my point of view?” A simple exercise, next time you do something that involves other people, ask yourself this question, “If someone were to do what I intend to do to myself, how would I feel?” If you do not bother asking this question, then you live in a bubble.

Assumption is the mother of all cock-ups.

However, there are times when I am unable to find any logic for the actions of others. I know that we should live life the way we want to, but does it mean we totally disregard those around us. Have we been fair in conducting our daily affairs? I might not be as religiously inclined as others but I try to live my life in accordance to the rules spelled out in the Holy Book.

Let me share something that I heard on the radio this morning before heading to work. If I heard correctly, Prophet Muhammad pbuh was shown the horrors of hell. One of the scenes shown to him was a group of people cutting their lips and tongues. When he asked what were the sins of these people, he was told that those were people who spend their lives not doing what they claim to do.

SubbahanAllah..

That’s why I cannot really stand people who talk big. Or what Malays know as “berbual world”. To these people, they are the best at what they do and they feel that they are the saviour to those people around them. Heck, I’m ok if you want to be a saviour and all but I suggest you carry around a mirror and truly reflect on yourself before you paint this picture of yourself to others.

I’ll be blunt and say that I have been such a person before. And I hope I have outgrown that phase of my life and living my life in humility. Therefore, I usually can tell when someone is spouting bull crap. After all, it takes one to know another. Like what Hirman said to me yesterday, “Don’t try to lie to a liar.”

There are many things I can tolerate but do not take my silence as a weakness. These are the things that I’m not cool with.

1) Encroaching on my personal space and the space of my loved ones with your opinions and actions, without regarding my feelings or the feelings of those dear to me. 
2) Questioning my integrity by using my career as a measure as to how I should conduct myself. I’m not who I am because I’m a teacher, I’m a teacher because of who I am.
3) Bashing on my upbringing. I used to think that some people are who they are because of a poor upbringing. Now, I am inclined to think differently. I see some of my pupils and I do feel that upbringing plays a part. But when you are an adult, I believe you should have been able to formulate your own set of beliefs. My parents brought me up fine. All the good came from Allah through their guidance. All the bad comes from myself.

Still, at the end of it all, I hope people understand that I have everyone’s best interests at heart. Families argue, friends fight and even lovers quarrell. But I believe that if there is conflict, it’s only because people care about you. We don’t live in a bubble nor do we live in a vacuum.

And before anyone gets a knee-jerk reaction and start throwing their arms up in the air. This is my blog and therefore, I am entitled to write what I wish to write. My blogs are always a self-reflection first. If this post pushes any button of my readers, I hope you try to take the positives from this. I do not write posts aimed at any particular individual or group. After all, you believe what you want to believe and see what you want to see.

Remember, at the end of it all, I still care.

Let me relate to you what happened at work earlier today. One of my colleagues was asked, I mean instructed, or rather demanded by another staff member to come up with a scheme of work (SOW) at the last minute. The best thing of all, based on my understanding, it was not his duty to do it. According to him, it was agreed in a department meeting earlier that he was just to consolidate all the SOWs for the department and burn them onto a disk. When he asked who instructed him to do so, this particular staff member just said, “It’s the duty of the level rep.” Obviously, someone was trying to blow some serious smoke. From what I see, someone was trying to dump work that he/she was unable to complete to someone else.

That is not cool.

Duties aside, I feel that if something has been agreed upon, then it has to be adhered to. If people cannot be held liable for what they have agreed on, then I seriously question your integrity as a person, let alone as an honest worker. I’d have more respect for the person if he/she just fessed up and admitted that he/she has been busy with other things lately and that he/she needs some help to finish it rather than make someone feel obligated to do it. That’s not good leadership, that’s just chickening out.

In my opinion, my friend should have stood his ground and said, “It’s not what was agreed upon. I am not doing it.” But my buddy just did it anyway. After all, no staff member is bigger than the department right? I mean, we are all in this together. Yet, why do people choose to take advantage of the kindness of others.

According to Jaz, such behaviour breeds future recurrence. He reasoned that the moment you yield to such demands, you leave yourself open to more of such nonsense. This was not a first time this colleague of mine got arrowed with such a task. And I can assure you that this won’t be the last. It made me think about the things I have done at work over the past few years. I’ve been going “yes” so often that people have begun taking it for granted.

People think that I’m free just because I’m a single man with no kids. They think that someone like me has less responsibilities. I seldom turn people’s request away. Because I have always believed in helping others and sharing the burden and challenges of being a teacher these days. But my time away from school have taught me that I have stretched myself too thin. That I have bitten off more than I can chew, affecting my morale, self-esteem and self-worth.

Well, no more of such things I say. I have had to say “no” to a few people lately. Perhaps some of them have been taken aback. Perhaps some have also decided that Khairil is being uncooperative, petty and calculative. This does not mean that I have decided to be selfish. I’ll continue helping you if I think it’s worth my time and that you are not taking my kindness for granted. I am still a team player and I still look at the big picture. It’s just that I’m going to be more careful and selective this time.

You have been warned.

Sometimes, we need to stand up for what we believe in. We need to convey the message to people that we are not to be messed with and that we are not afraid to put our foot down when we won’t accept the situation. Of course, many will say it’s easier said than done. Especially with performance appraisals and work reviews playing such a big part in our career these days. The fact of the matter is that many people in powerful position abuse the power entrusted to them. All I can say to that is, we know ourselves better. If some of you are content to working dishonestly and living with it, then good luck to you.

People are watching and they know you for how they see you. They can smell your crap from a mile away. Think about it.

Now, it’s up to me to make a decision and take a stand on an important aspect of my life. This is how we do it. I’m sorry if you do not get things the way you want them to be. At the end of the day, I have to think about me.

If you’re not down with that, then that’s just too bad.

I can’t believe that many still feel that I went for an extended ‘holiday’ when I decided to go for a surgery a few months back. Seriously people, I spent almost 2 months confined to a hospital bed. I couldn’t walk and I was in constant pain. What kind of holiday is that? It’s so easy for people to make assumptions when they are not undergoing what you are experiencing. Some argued that I must be pretending since I have been teaching P.E. prior to going for surgery. Please, there is something called pain barrier. I had been living with pain for years. Sometimes you just bite your lip and bear with it. Need I remind these people that I went two years without a single medical leave. Two freaking years! Why not I help you break an arm or a leg so that you can enjoy this holiday too? While you’re at it, go and get a new brain and some common sense.

People have been griping about my reduced timetable. Let me set the record straight, I did not ask for it to be reduced. I wouldn’t mind taking my old class back but I have to respect what the school decides. Considering my condition, I feel it was best. If anyone of you were offered something like that, I’m sure you would have welcomed it with open arms as well. Personally, I get a feeling I have been stretching myself a little thin over the past few years. It’s time for me to take care of myself now, to ensure my longevity in this line of work.

People are quick to point out my long absence but not many remember that when I was still around, I was paying my dues and pulling my weight. I’ve never been the type who would go seeking for extra duties to ‘enhance’ my portfolio so that I can stand higher than everyone else during ranking. But I’ve always worked honestly for my slice of the pie. Whenever anyone approached me for help, I have never turned anyone away unless there was really no way I could help out. Unlike some people, I don’t come up with some lame ass excuse for not being able to do something. If I can’t do it, I rather tell it straight to you then try to do it and ultimately fail to complete it.

I don’t like it when people take liberties with me. Expecting me to pick up your slack just based on the fact that I have not been working for a little more than a term. I question your integrity if you can’t clean up your mess. If it’s your trash, you take care of it. And don’t tell me you are busy with something. It’s your core duties. I’ve never asked someone to help me out when I was struggling with class, remedial, managing my CCA and setting an exam paper all at once. You say something like that to me, insinuating I need to catch up, that’s like a slap to my face. You don’t need to tell me I need to catch up, for I have never been the one to cut corners.

Perhaps it’s fitting that there is only a handful of colleagues that I call friends. Sincerity is something prickly. You can converse with me with all the niceties in the world and still badmouth me when I’m far away. I know who you jabronis are. You think you all smart, I’m just playing along. Giving you that piece of reality that you desperately hold onto. If dissing me or my buddies gives your day a kick, then I truly pity you. You use your influence to mess with someone’s rice bowl unfairly when it comes to ranking, trust me one day, you will get your just desserts. Be a good leader, be a fair leader. Judge someone for what he does, not for the person you think he is.

I’ll give it to you straight, if you are my friend, I have your back for life. You can count on me if you need me. I’ll help you wherever I can. But diss me without thinking, I can and will be a bloody prick. After all, it’s the least that you deserve. For a while, I’ve felt that people have been trying to get me. I can feel some are jealous. What is their problem? I don’t think I have troubled anyone when it comes to work. I might be wrong but that’s what I feel.

I refuse to apologize if my work habits are different than others. It may look like I don’t work as hard but maybe that’s because my way works for me. Whatever I do, I only have the interests of the pupils at heart. I refuse to say sorry for not conforming to the teaching style that others have advocated over the years. It’s not my fault that my pupils like me. It’s just the way I am and the way I do things. I do not need to prove a point to others. The only person I need to answer to is myself.

I was talking about this with my fiancee and she told me that she was surprised that such an environment exists at work. If she’s surprised, imagine what I feel. Yes, this entry is a little bitchy. But I’ve had enough of keeping it inside. Come on people, we are in the same boat. Let’s not throw people overboard, we need every hand we have to move forward.

I wonder if people will listen to this silent shout.

Not too long ago, I saw an interesting article in the local Malay newspaper, Berita Minggu. For the avid readers of the tome, many would agree with me that it is not often that you come across an interesting read. However, when they come up with something good, it is often controversial and provocative.

The article this time centers around the issue of ‘unworthy’ Malay men. The title boldly declared “Lelaki Melayu Tak Guna” or “Useless Malay Men” as written as the title of this entry. The gist of the article revolved around this thesis written by a female undergraduate who interviewed a few Malay women who have chosen to marry someone of a different race.

Some of the reasons put forth by these women is that they find Malay men to be lacking in ambition, egoistic and chauvinistic. These women are highly educated, usually holding degrees and good positions in the workplace. According to these women, it is hard to find men who are as educated as they are. Malay men whom they have dated usually display a sense of low self esteem and try to impose themselves as the superior gender, stifling and belittling them in the process. They find that non-Malays treat them better: as equals.

From an academic point of view, based on what I read from the article, I feel that the thesis lack solid ground for argument. For one, the author only interviewed women who married non-Malays. After all, there are many educated Malay women who marry educated Malay men and are equally happy. In fact, I even know of some women who marry men who are so-called not as educated as they are and yet are able to stay in marital bliss.

Critically, there are some salient points in the thesis. In a follow-up article written by another journalist, it seems that more Malay men are showing a lack of ambition in furthering their education or even developing themselves for that matter. You do have a feeling that there are more Malay women undergraduates than Malay men undergraduates in universities these days. But I do wonder if there could be other reasons to this phenomenon.

As I ponder on this issue, could the Malay culture have an influence on this trend? I feel that some Malay parents still feel that their sons need to be working and earning money as soon as possible. Sons are expected to take care of their parents as soon as possible, prepare for their own marriage and be a breadwinner for the family. Daughters, on the other hand, are more protected. Parents would expect to take care of their daughters for a long time, providing them with a good education while waiting for them to marry the men of their dreams.

However, I also feel that Malay men need to step up their game. It will be tough when we have to live with other people’s expectations and we have a ton of responsibilities to meet. When there’s a will, there’s a way. From my personal observations while attending classes in SIM, I find that more Malay women are interested in furthering their studies. Unfortunately, Malay men are few and far between. Most guys who I have informally interviewed tell me that it’s hard to balance studies and career. I can vouch for that. It has been tough personally for me. It’s even more difficult when these men make the decision to marry young.

But of course, an early marriage shouldn’t be a barrier. Neither does it mean that I’m telling all the guys out there not to marry young. Marriage is a good thing and it’s something that you should not delay. Opportunities such as that do not come by often. Once again, if you want something badly, you have to work for it. Take my colleague Alfiyan for example. He is sort of an inspiration to me. He’s married with four kids. He is one of the busiest men in school, with a bigger job scope than most. He would also be quick to point out that he has an appointment without the perks of an additional vocation pay. He has stated how tough life has been for him, yet he finds the time to attend uniSIM and has recently completed his tour of duty after studying for about 5 years. His experience seemed to have rubbed off onto Hirman, who has recently started his own journey of getting his Bachelor’s. We need more of such enterprise.

Even if there is no opportunity to seek formal education, perhaps we could try to find some other way to upgrade ourselves. Let us not be happy doing the same thing month after month, with no prospects in sight and expect our lives to be better. Let’s find chances to reinvigorate ourselves and be better people so as to provide a better livelihood for our loved ones.

To the women out there, feel free to marry who you wish. So what if he’s Malay, Chinese, Indian, Caucasian or whichever ethnic group of God’s green earth that he belongs to. But spare a thought for your men. As much as you wish to be treated equal, there are times when I feel that some women use their superior education to impose themselves on their husbands and belittle them. There needs to be mutual respect and like it or not, there is a reason why Allah designated the husband/father to be the leader of the family. But of course, he needs to be a fair leader.

In conclusion, are Malay men useless? What do you think?