Pushing My Buttons

I can’t sleep. Blame it on my worrying nature.

I heard a few things said today that really pushed my buttons. Thought it would be good to jot them down to serve as a reminder for me in the future.

Jaz coined this term: APPLIED PASSION. Well, I don’t know if he created it. He might have seen it somewhere but it’s a good term nonetheless. If it’s not patented, I suggest you do so Jaz. That would be so BOOMZ.

It made me wonder whether I am applying my passion? At the same time, it made me wonder if I know what my passion is. Sometimes I wonder why do I do the things that I do these days. Am I doing them because that is what I really want them to do or do I do them to further the ambitions and aspirations of others. I look at Yun and see her work so hard on her clay lovebirds and I tell myself, “Now that’s someone who is passionate about what she does.” She has not worked for a long time and yet she makes things happen. It’s not easy, gosh I have had a whole new appreciation of artwork since I got to know her but when you do something that you like, you just get this energy to do it. An energy that I have not felt recently.

Teaching? Public Speaking? Writing? Writing. I thought I loved doing that but not too long ago, I had a chance to interact with a certain Dr Cheah, a lady who had written a few instructional books on teaching the English Language. I asked her an innocent question: How do you find the energy and discipline to finish writing a book. I’m interested in doing the same but I can’t seem to finish my projects? Her answer was simple: Maybe it’s not what you really like to do.

Perhaps at this juncture, I am still searching for that one thing that I would love to do. Right now, I am thinking about all the ambitions that I used to have since I was young: a scientist, a businessman, a lawyer, a chef, a teacher, a public speaker, a trainer (in chronological order). They are so diverse, so different. What is it that I really want to do with my life?

The only thing that I seem to really love is football. Cannot imagine my life without it. I have soccernet.com as my homepage (at home and at work). I try to keep up-to-date with all the latest news and developments in the footballing world. I cannot walk by a group of boys, girls, men or women playing football without stopping and appreciating it for a few minutes. I get in a bad mood whenever Man United losses, especially when they lose to Liverpool. I look forward to play for my weekend team, Redbacks FC, even when I shouldn’t be with my bad knee.

Which brings me to another point. Jaz and Azhar were talking about how Abang Sani, Zaini and Bob are examples of truly passionate players and Jaz went on to say, “They play every game as if it were their last…” That struck a chord with me and it made me wonder. I’ve been holding back when I play lately. I run around as if I’m trudging through a flower bed, not wanting to disturb the petals on the many stalks. I get paralyzed by fear, worried that I might get injured again. It dawned upon me what if I got injured again while playing a crappy game. Even though I am being overly careful, should I be playing in the manner I am now. I’m not giving my best and it bothers me. I can do better but I am scared of pushing myself further, in case I go over the limit. This is not who I am. I know I can play longer than one half but it seems that I have been showing non-verbal signs to Azhar to take me out at half-time. I have this defeatist attitude that say, “I’m done. Thank you very much.” Even when the heart is willing, the brain tells me that I’ve done enough. I need to change this.

I have become a whiner now. Been surrounded by so many of such people that I have not realised that I have become one of them myself. The type of people that I don’t dig at all. Complain, complain, complain but take no action. Pity my darling, I must sound like a broken record. Always telling her how unhappy I am with my growing belly, lack of job satisfaction and pretty much everything else. I used to be a negative person and I worked very hard to become a positive one and now I’m back to my original self. I need to do something about this. This is not the way I want to go on with my life.

This is my life. I need to get it into order. One thing at a time. InsyaAllah, I’ll get there.

Allah.. That brings me to another point. Perhaps I can blog about it next time…

The Quality of My Life

There has been a lot of things going on in my life lately that I hardly have time to relax. Besides the moments before I drift off to sleep, I am forced to steal whatever pockets of time there are for my ‘personal, quiet time’. I looked into the mirror this morning and I saw something quite disturbing: dark circles around my eyes. It’s already bad enough that my body is like a panda, now my eyes even look like one too! Some would say that it is a sign that I have truly arrived in the teaching career. I have been getting about six hours of sleep these days. I thought it is enough but apparently it’s beginning to take a toll on my body.

My health worries me. Besides the obvious weight that I have put on, it seems that every other part of my body is aching nowadays. Today it’s my head, tomorrow it’s my back, the next day it’s arm.. The ailments are endless. I have been wanting to get some exercise lately but it has been so hard. I wake up at 6 each morning and come back home only about 12 hours later. I’d be too knackered to go to the pool for a swim. After all, the knee makes it impossible for me to contemplate jogging. If I take a rest, I won’t be able to exercise later at night since I would have brought back stuff to mark. Teaching does take a lot out of you. It literally becomes your life.

At times, I feel like breaking free from these chains that bind me. As hard as it gets, teaching is also like my drug. No two days are alike and the time I spend in my classroom is pure enjoyment for me. I have been telling people how much I do not like my current class and that I cannot wait to ‘get rid’ of them, but these negative feelings are usually caused by a small number of pupils. Pupils who despite all my efforts to counsel, reprimand and discipline them, continue to torment me to the very end. Is it just me or are kids getting more ‘hardcore’ these days? After all, they know that we can’t touch them anymore. How much can detention and scoldings change a child? It’s something for me to figure out. A part of me just cannot accept the fact that I cannot seem to reach out to them. Then again, maybe I’m expecting too much from 9-year olds.

My class was having a lesson on Bar Graphs today. I did not teach them since we engaged an artiste to conduct a performance arts-based lesson for them. It was the last lesson for them and as the artiste left the room, I thanked her for her time and dedication throughout the lessons. Before the went off, she took the time to tell me, “You have a great bunch of kids.” I was taken aback by her remark. I always found them to be little monsters and I have scolded them more times than any of my previous classes combined. Yet she found them a great bunch? Then again, quite a number of teachers have highlighted to me how well behaved and pleasant my pupils are. Are the kids only acting up when I’m in class or is it a question of me seeing only what I want to see? Once again, it’s something I have to think about.

Football season is back once again. Great to have EPL to watch once again. Can’t believe that almost 10 games have already been played. Personally, it’s going to be a difficult season for United. You can never replace the quality of someone like Cristiano Ronaldo. That man is truly one of the geniuses of the game. Just look at how he has integrated himself seamlessly into the Real Madrid team and instantaneously become one of their key players. When El Classico comes around, it would be interesting to see him and Messi go at it. I wonder if they have Spanish football on Mio TV? Yeah, I’m considering getting it since they have won the rights to screen future EPL matches. What other choice do I have, really? I’m tipping Chelsea for the title. They have a solid squad and an equally fantastic manager. I’ll be happy if United win the League Cup or whatever trophy they can get their hands on. Yeah, a bit pessimistic of me, but this will be a season of transition for the Red Devils.

In other footballing news, Redbacks are back in business too. It’s always great to come out of a game unscathed. I managed to complete more than a half during the pre-season game. Felt good enough to last longer but I felt it was important to ease myself back to the game. The knee is still in poor condition and the last thing I want is to aggravate it further. I was gutted to miss the first game of the season where the guys came back from 2 goals down to draw the game. Superb drama worthy of the New Paper. Looking forward to my first game this coming Sunday. Ya Allah, please keep me injury-free.

Yun and myself are about a month away from our engagement. It’s been a long time coming. There have been times I wondered if I am ever going to get there: taking a big step forward with someone of my own choosing. There was a time when my mother was actively seeking potential mates for me. I appreciate the effort but I very much prefer to find my own beau. From the moment I saw her in that tutorial room at SIM more than a year ago, somehow I felt that she could be and would be the one for me. It’s been a great journey, a journey I hope will continue to blossom into something greater, insyaAllah. She is almost everything I could ever ask for in a partner. She’s understanding, accomodating, accepting, assuring, the adjectives are endless. The chemistry is so good that we just feed off each other’s energy. Even in times when I am ashamed of how I look, she assures me by telling me that it’s what’s inside of me that she loves the most. Therefore Yun, I thank you.

For improving my quality of life…

A Passion Undiscovered?

I have been thinking a lot about my professional life lately. It has been well-documented that I have been a little disillusioned with my career as a teacher. This past year has been a real revelation to me as to why so many people leave the teaching force. I have heard many people lamenting about the fact that many teachers nowadays are not passionate about their job and that they are just in the force to earn the livelihood. You know the saying, “Those who can’t (do anything else with their lives), teach..”

I have many people, be it strangers, parents of my pupils, my own father and sister having a go at a lack of professionalism in teachers nowadays. I do admit that there is a few of such people in the force and these few rotten apples will affect the image of the entire basket. When faced with the evidence, it’s hard to not to agree. But people will never understand how it’s like on this side of the fence. You never know how much your feet hurt unless you wear the shoes.

The unfortunate thing is, in my opinion, the teaching career has become a lot like a circus. You’re are the struggling performer trying to please the audience. Parents pay to have their kids attend this circus and be entertained (and of course, educated) by various performers who are competent in their own excellent way. The kids love some of the acts and they despise others. The performers work hard to please the audience and every performer does his job under the watchful eye of the ringmaster (principal). When everything is going well, everyone is happy but the moment a performer messes up, the child gets upset. The parent gets upset because the child is upset and complains to the ringmaster. The ringmaster then takes out the whip and flogs the unfortunate performer. Performer told to get better and all the children that he had entertained in the past have been forgotten. All of a sudden you are deemed not good enough to function in your job. The saddest thing of all is that regardless of all the good things you do after that, your mistake will always be remembered and used as a measuring stick in future.

My school just completed its ranking exercise recently. Imagine ranking more than a 100 teachers. How do you justify who is Number 1, Number 20 or Number 118? How do you justify who gets to be where? How do you measure the amount of work done or the effectiveness of the teacher when everyone teaches different pupils, subjects and levels? How is it possible when people have different duties and take charge of different CCAs that have their own unique set of achievements? How do you explain someone who works hard the entire year but gets marked down just because they went on a 3-month course to upgrade itself, when the service itself advocates continued learning? What value does one who comes to work every single day but does not contribute anything significant to the school or his pupils? Why is a teacher crucified just because of one letter of complaint from the parent of just one child out of forty?

Why do you tell people that past reputations does not matter when you can say in your ranking exercise: “Once a person is black, he will always be black regardless of the good work he has done.” Saying such things behind closed and covered doors? For once why don’t you be a man and tell it to us during contact time.

The most ridiculous notion of all, how can someone be given a President’s Award when she said one of the most racist thing about one of our country’s leaders that I have ever heard during contact time? That’s not bravery, just sheer stupidity and I’m sure it will come back and bite her in her big rear end.

Imagine being in a room full of people who are considered qualified to decide on how well their colleagues have done for the year. Imagine a bunch of people stating and pleading the cases of the people under their care. I’m sure the drama beats that of a courtroom. When I found out about this practice, I stopped considering to go on the Leadership Track. I don’t think I have the ruthlessness to pass such judgments on my peers. No man has the right to do so.

All this crap is taking its toll on me. Teachers are under more pressure than ever to deliver with the introduction of a performance-based reward system. As much as it rewards, it punishes when you make it mandatory for some to be graded as “not good enough”. No matter how hard some people try, some will always be at the bottom. It just sickens me how people think that they can quantify the work done by others.

This circus is killing my passion, along with many others. I have stopped making my lessons meaningful and fun. I have resorted to drilling, training and prepping my kids to do well in their exams because even though they make a big hoo-haa about exploring alternative methods of teaching, you will always be measured by the quality of the grades. I’m not saying that grades are not important, they just shouldn’t be the ONLY way that success is measured.

Then again, this is just my point-of view, although I’m sure it’s shared by many others.

Slaying Demons

Came across a piece of news recently. I’m sure many of you have read about it too. The news about how a group of boys had planned to kill themselves so that they may be resurrected as slayers to fight demons in an impending World War 3. It was disturbing and at times, bone-chilling to think a group of secondary school boys can come up with such twisted notions. Apparently, the leader of the gang was so influential that he managed to convince 7 other boys to throw themselves off the roof of a block of flat. Thankfully, the door was locked. I shudder to think what might happen had it not been.

I kept asking myself how did such a thing take place. As a teacher, my thought quickly shifted to a lack of parental monitoring and guidance in school. Wasn’t the system designed to nurture young people who could think and make the right decisions. I’m imagining a group of boys whose parents are frequently absent, probably busy with their careers. I’m envisioning the boys being uninterested in classroom lessons, ignored by their teachers and seen as a waste of space. Boredom leads to the pursuit of engaging ideas and unfortunately for this bunch, it led them to a supposed child medium who came up with bizarre beliefs. Even more unfortunate, the boys bought into them.

Of course, I do not know these boys well enough to pass such judgments. Isn’t that typical generalizing? However, it’s something that not many can avoid doing. It’s just a pity for boys with so much promise, who had great potential to “slay demons” in other aspects to be struck down in such a sad manner. I wonder if this will lead to similar incidents. In a world where the young get lost in the make-belief world of demon slayers, monsters and spiritual battles brought about by tons of Japanese anime shown on OKTO, one needs to come back to reality.

Do not leave the young to their own thoughts. To all the adults and caregivers, parents and teachers and all those concerned, it is our collective duty to guide or young so that they may not stray to such disturbing habits. May this be the last of such an occurrence.

What Bugs Me…

As I was having sahur this morning, my father asked me a strange question:

“Do you think An-Nur Mosque should undergo reconstruction?”

Gee Dad, this is not a question you ask a man who was half-awake and struggling to get food into his mouth. Still, in my dazed mode, I mumbled a reply back to him that I felt it would be good for the mosque to get expanded. At the back of my mind, I knew Dad was going to give me some mind-blowing rhetoric and as always I was not disappointed.

“Do we really need the mosque to be bigger?”

He then went on to talk about part-timers who only flood the mosque during Friday/Terawih/Aidilfitri/Aidiladha prayers. I could understand where he was coming from. After all, the mosque is pretty much deserted during normal hours. OK, it’s not really deserted but we would only get between 2-4 safs during normal prayers. Hmm.. should I even be using the word normal prayers? The way I look at it, I think it’s just people prioritizing. Being occupied with work and all, I’m sure the majority would just find time to accommodate the special occasion prayers. Please do not diss my grammar and vocab, my mind is literally going into SLEEP mode. It’s already good that these people make the time to go to the mosque rather than sit home and just let things go by. Of course, we could do more.

He added, “It is a waste of the people’s money. Should be be using the money to build the mosque or build the society.”

Ah, this I cannot agree more. Yup, we definitely need to work on society. After all, doesn’t the society build the mosque and not the other way round. I was just thinking about all the beautiful mosques that we have built over the years but lacking in the atmosphere and spirit of a brilliant Muslim society. Will the mosques just turn out to be mere symbols of our religion?

Another thing that tickled me. There is a huge board displayed in the mosque grounds displaying all the donors to the mosque building funds. All you have to do is donate $200 and your name will be emblazoned on one of the tiny rectangular spaces on the board. I have seen the board filled up rapidly eversince it has been set up. Funny considering the difficulty the mosque experienced in getting funds previously. I always questioned why the mosque needed to publicize the donors. Shouldn’t donations be something that is shared between the donor and Allah? Is there a need to tell the entire neighbourhood of your generosity? Of course, when there are more rectangles bearing your name, your prestige will go up. Tsk tsk tsk. I don’t know what to make of it. But what’s the difference between filling out a form with your name and giving the $200 and just putting the $200 in one of the many boxes found around the mosque?

It bugs me, but at the same time I do not blame the mosque for resorting to such methods.

Allah save us all…

United in KL!

Football pre-season. The stories that go around this period is as scandalous as Hollywood tabloid stories. Players changing clubs, teams entertaining thousands of their fans while on tour and manager making snide remarks about their rivals.

Last weekend, I had the honour of watching United play in KL. It was the first time I ever saw the team play live. The atmosphere at the Bukit Jalil Sports Complex was electrifying and akin to a carnival. Everyone was wearing red. There were food stalls, merchandise stalls and street peddlers selling their wares. It left me imagining how things would be like if I were outside Old Trafford itself.

We were in the stadium early and the view took my breath away. The stadium could comfortably fit 80,000 spectators and as kick-off drew near, the seats got occupied by thousands of rabid fans, all out for a great time. When United came out to warm up, the entire stadium erupted as if they have already scored a goal. I found myself grinning from ear to ear like a little boy who got his favourite toy for a birthday present.

When the game started, I was mesmerized by the fluidity of the game. They made playing football so simple, so beautiful. My jaws dropped at some displays of brilliant skill. The benefit of watching a game live is that you get to appreciate the movement of the entire team, unlike watching on television where you only get to see the section where the ball is in.

A small part of me was a little disappointed because Ronaldo was no longer with the team. After all, he is the reigning World Footballer of the Year. What are the chances I get to see such a player in live action? However, the team was still full of accomplished players to admire. A few players impressed me. Rooney in my opinion, will rise into an even more influential player this coming season. Anderson’s distribution and passing is almost as good as Scholes’ in his prime. Berbatov is pure class. I can see better understanding between him and the other players and I for one hope that he will answer his critics in this coming season. I’ve always told people that Berbatov needs pre-season to really gel into the team. I hope he proves me right.

However, some players seem to struggle. Scholes misplaced so many passes it makes you wonder whether he still has it. It stood out so much that it was easy to pinpoint him as the weak link in the United team for the first half. Nani was another disappointment. Although he scored the second goal, his overall play lacked composure and effectiveness.

Some of the youngsters showed great promise. Gibson showed he has the potential to be a solid defensive midfielder. Macheda is just a fearless striker and he can attain greatness in the near future. It was his run that caused mayhem in the Malaysian defense to set up Owen for the winner.

Oh yes, Michael Owen. I hated him during his Liverpool days and I took great pleasure in making fun of him when he was warming the bench at Real Madrid and battling injury and bearing ridicule at Newcastle. I was shocked at his transfer to United. It was surprising to hear the thousands of United fans in the stadium chanting Owen’s name, clamouring for his introduction to the game. I had fun joking with my friends about how many minutes he would last before becoming United’s next man of glass.

When he came on, I was taken aback at his sharpness. When he scored the winning goal, the roof came off the stadium. Kudos to Malaysia for making it such a close game. It felt weird cheering for an ex-Liverpool player, but if he’s wearing my team’s colours, I’ll support him. Still feels strange though. I reserve my judgment on Owen. Let’s see how things go when the actual season starts.

Some great memories were made. Memories that just strenghtened my desire to make it to Old Trafford one day. Hopefully to see them play against Liverpool. That would be a great experience indeed…

SAFRA Rumble

I better blog about this coz I do not want to forget.

Just now, a few of my colleagues and I took part in an Amazing Race-like competition called the SAFRA Rumble. It was a Race for Wisdom (so the brochure said). Together with Hirman, Alfiyan and Saravanan, we looked forward to a day of fun and excitement. With these guys around, you could be assured of that even in the most sombre of all occassions.

We were late for registration. So late that the organizers called us up to ensure of our participation. In fact, we were the last team to arrive. We were Team F. F for failures? F for f*&%$rs? F for first was what we would like to think. At about 10am, we kicked off the race. All the other teams headed out to their cars while the Crazy Gang stayed indoors and dechipered the codes to the locations first. Once we got that business out of the way, we headed out screaming locations such as Little India and Chinatown, when in fact such locations were not part of the itinerary.

First Station: SAFRA Tampines
Upon arrival, we were disheartened to find out that we were a little late and had to wait for other teams to finish before we could have our turn. We contemplated dirty tactics to get ahead. Maybe we could puncture the tyres of the other cars and be the only team standing by the end of the race? Before we could put that into action, we were summoned to carry out our task: Sport Stacking! I’ve seen it a few times before where someone stacks some cups with a certain pattern and un-stack them again. It was pretty tricky but we did pretty well by completing our task in about 39 seconds. Not bad to kick off the day.

Second Station: SAFRA Yishun
We headed up north and were made to wait again. I thought moving around in a Subaru WRX would give us an advantage. Well, when you decide to stop for cheeseburgers at McDonald’s along the way, I suppose it was nothing for us to be surprised at. The task was pretty simple. We had to categorize food items into a food pyramid. There was some confusion about the food items, especially one packet of jelly which was in Japanese. In the end, we got 7 out of 10 items correct. The second part of the task involved figuring out the ingredients in an Indian mutton dish. Hirman and Sara were the main cooks, Hirman being the type who cooks and Sara being… Indian. We got all the ingredients correct! Not bad for a bunch of men. Next station!

Third Station: Woodlands Regional Library
We headed home! I suspected that it would be something to do with books. To our horror, it was everything to do with William Shakespeare. We needed to complete a crossword puzzle. I could only give one answer off the bat. “To be or not to be” is a line from HAMLET. To solve the other questions, we had to divide and conquer. I headed to the OPAC to get the names of some authors while Alfiyan and Sara called their brother-in-law and spouse respectively to check out the Internet. We finished the task within minutes. We decided to take up the bonus task where we had to translate the line “Tomorrow, tomorrow and tomorrow” into 4 different languages. Once again, we depended on our “connections”. Full marks for the task!

Fourth Station: SAFRA Jurong
I was amazed at the sheer size of this SAFRA building. The playground was huge! The task at this station was what we had anticipated earlier: SUDOKU. Nobody in my group knew how to play the game, except for me. Time to step up to the plate. We had to retrieve numbers from a fountain and complete the Sudoku board. The station master tried explaining to us but my teammates were resigned to letting me do the solving. We had to take turns to fish out the numbers. By the time I found the last set of numbers, the board was in a mess. It took me some time to correct the previous errors but in the end, we scored full marks again. Onwards!

Fifth Station: SAFRA Mount Faber
It was the last SAFRA we were to visit. We had to solve a simple quiz on the heritage of SAFRA and then we had to make a tiring hike up to Henderson Waves. I was just about ready to collapse. The task that awaited us on top was even more physically demanding. We had to construct a stretcher from wooden poles, a canvas sheet and a piece of rope. This time, Hirman took charge and instructed us how to do it. Fitting that he was chosen by the station master to be the casualty. Yup, we had to carry him around. He was heavy for three grown men to support but good thing the design was sound. We got full marks again. We were flying now. What’s next?

Sixth station: Marina Barrage
It was quite a long drive before we finally arrived. When we got out, the first thing that struck me was how much the place looked like Singapore Flyer, minus the huge wheel. We were given 20 minutes to complete the tasks. We had to take 5 group photos around the Marina Barrage and answer 5 questions. We finished the questions pretty easily but we were stumped at the size of the Barrage. We initially thought it was 10,000 hectares but the customer service officer told us that that was the size of the catchment area, not the reservoir. We didn’t have time to take all the photos and more heartbreak awaited us when we reported back to the station master. We handed our quiz card only to realize that 3 of the questions have faded away due to some sweaty palms caused by the running in the heat. We also found out that the answer to the difficult question was 10,000 hectares. I suppose the catchment area is part of the reservoir. We only got 12 out of 20 points. It would return to haunt us.

Seventh Station: Malay Heritage Centre
It was truly the LAST STATION that we could visit. We were looking to score the full 20 points to enhance our chances of winning. The last task was to weave ketupats, Malay rice cakes. Oh no. Another problem. We each had to weave one ketupat. Sara and Hirman pretty much gave up. Alfiyan gave it a shot and came close. I weaved a ketupat once, it took me 20 minutes. I did better this time, completing the ketupat in 15 minutes. 5 points for us. We decided to go for the bonus points with very little time left before the station closes. We had to kick a chapteh 20 times. This we did with minimum fuss. We had one more station to visit but time did not permit. It was back to SAFRA Toa Payoh, where it all began.

The finale
We checked in with 6 minutes to spare before time ran out. In our little tribute to the late MJ, we moonwalked onto the mat. We have been loud and flamboyant the entire race, shouting our arrivals and exits, encouraging our fellow competitors and giving everyone the false impression that we were at out last station at every station. We did that at the first station! A team came in a few seconds late and tried to appeal their case not to be disqualified. Their reasoning, “We are educators and we give others a second chance, we hope we will be given that too.” It was hard to accept as fellow educators. Our reasoning, “Respect the rules, no compromise for anyone.” Needless to say, the entire hall refused their request.

A sport stacking demonstration and an impromptu competition was held while awaiting the arrival of the Guest-of-Honour. Alfiyan did well in winning his little duel. He was pretty quick at Tampines and there was little doubt that he would win his match. I captured a video of him in action. One to show the kids for sure. When the GOH arrived, it was time for the results. Two teams were reported to have finished all the stations, so we were not hopeful of winning it. It was to great joy and surprise that we finished 3rd overall, earning us a grand amount of $100 in prize money. Yup. ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS to be split four ways. Each team paid $50 as registrations. 23 teams took part. But it’s okay, winning was a bonus. It took some time for reality to sink in. When it did, we jumped up and celebrated as if we won the World Cup. We lost out to the eventual champions, a foursome of Malay dudes by a mere 10 points but they went home with $500. The points lost at Marina Barrage truly came back to bite us.

As far as we were concerned, the day was a resounding success. We had great team chemistry and we were laughing our asses off everytime we were in the car. Sara’s jokes kept the energy levels up. Hirman was phenomenal at the wheel and Alfiyan’s mental alertness and overall fitness pushed the team on. We really did not think of competing, we just wanted to have fun and enjoy the experience. It appeared that we were the only team to have taken photos at every station before we left. It was a great day. To think that I will be travelling to KL with these guys again in a week’s time to watch Man Utd. Imagine all the fun we will have.

It’s been a great day!

LAST STATION!

Mamaseh mamaseh mamamusa…

Mamaseh mamaseh mamamusa…

Mamaseh mamaseh mamamusa…

(repeat till you roll around laughing!)

What’s Next?

I have been thinking a lot about what I want to do in the future. As things stand, I still love my job, but there are too many of the non-teaching aspects that drive me up the wall. Many will say that it’s part and parcel of the job. I won’t disagree with them, but is it worth dedicating the best years of my life too? The answer is not as straightforward as it may seem.

My heart tells me that I should begin planning about what I should be doing if I resign in a year’s time. However, my head tells me that I should tough it out. The economy is not doing too well and I do have responsibilities. Sure, I don’t have a wife or a child (although who knows how long that would be the case) but resposibilities remain. Whatever choice I make, it has to be made wisely.

So what are the options available for me? Deep inside, I really want to make the masterplan that Jaz and I conceived in our teenage years. A training company that helps to enrich the lives of youths and adults alike. Educating people on soft skills that are essential in negotiating this life. I really believe that things would work out if we could put everything we have into it. Time is such a premium now. It absolutey KILLS me not being able to help out with the speaking programme that Jaz conducts at CHIJ. It’s like opportunity came knocking and I was locked in another room with the time-enabled electronic key!

Another idea I was toying with was to go into real estate. I just felt it’s good knowledge to have. I want to learn how to invest in real estate. Felt it would be very useful in the long run. Imagine, Jaz as a financial planner and myself as a real estate agent. Imagine the potential in the seminars that we could conduct. Hehe, might be getting ahead of myself there.

The one worry about quitting teaching is the worry that the money will no longer be there. However, I have learned that money is there to be made. There are risks to be taken but you don’t really get much in return without an element of risk. Planning, thinking and deciding will be made within a year and it would serve me well to be well-prepared for D-Day.

Oh yeah, I need to join a toastmaster’s club and start speaking again. I’m getting rusty!

Kai’s Half-Time Report

It’s the end of June of the year 2009. Time to reflect on the first 6 months of the year…

Work has been particularly rough. When I first entered teaching, many people warned me, “It’s not what you expect, Kai.” 2 years after my official posting, I understand what they meant by that. Teaching nowadays is not really about teaching the pupils. Of the time I spend on work (at school and at home), maybe 20% is dedicated to actual classroom teaching. The reason I signed up to become a teacher is to help the children grow, teach them and mould them into useful individuals.

After a few years, I can’t help but feel DISILLUSIONED. I rarely have time for myself. Studying part-time has been difficult too. Between teaching, training the Sepaktakraw boys, setting worksheets and exam papers, marking at school, marking at home (until 10-11pm at times), doing uniSIM assignments and studying, I don’t have much time for anything else. Not that I allow myself to be reduced to such a state. I have tried my very best to maintain some type of social life, so that I remain sane. But, inevitably, something is going to be affected. In my case, it’s my productivity at work. To be honest, I am losing my interest in it. I only put in effort into things like really matter, like the well-being of my pupils. I tend to put other administrative matters and school projects on the back-burner. Unfortunately, this has led to some people at school seeing me as lazy and uncooperative. You got to love the mentality some of my senior colleagues have.

“You can do it, after all you are a single man. You need to build up your portfolio and build your career at this time.”

Teaching is a noble career and through it all, teachers continue to earn my respect. Time and again, I look at my colleagues slogging away and I ask myself, “How do they do it?” More interestingly, I’d ask myself, “Why can’t I be the same?”

Lazy? Maybe they are right…

This reminds me of an encounter I had with Jaz’s manager. He’s another man I respect. Confident and one of the few Malay-Muslims in Singapore who I consider really successful. But I can’t help but take offense to what he said to me a few weeks back. He was asking me when will I come back to the insurance business. There was nothing wrong with that but what he said after that took me aback. He said, “Nowhere in the Holy Quran was it stated that rezeki comes from being a teacher.” I was too stunned to say anything in reply. Sure, I am not going to be rich being a teacher, but why do people keep thinking that I am motivated by money? And the way he said it, it was like he was belittling my efforts as a teacher. I admire enterprising people and their pursuit for financial freedom but why do these people always talk down to folks like us who get by on a fixed income?

Fixed income = fixed minds.
People who live on fixed income are afraid of challenge.
and many more stuff that I have heard over the years…

Why do most people who are self-employed have this superiority complex over others? Always thinking they are better than the general public just because they are the 20% who will hold 80% if the world’s riches. Maybe I’m overreacting and took his words the wrong way but this frustration is real.

Where’s the mutual respect? I don’t go around telling people that all these self-employed people are just ruthless, heartless and greedy people who are only interested in fattening their bank accounts at the expense of fixed-income folks like me. They operate under the guise that they are supposedly out to help others. The sort who will tell people, “I only want to help” but chuckle to themselves when they think of the commission they earn by selling your house and buying that policy, even though they know it might not be in their clients’ best interests?

Not all self-employed are like that but trust me, there are people who are like that. I’ve been in the business for a short while and I’ve encountered agents like that. They’d do all sorts of things to get you to sign and when you do sign, they talk among themselves and remark on how “little” our thinking are.

“We are the cream of society. We refuse to conform.”

Oh, I hate that smirk whenever someone comes to me and say, “Oh, you’re ANOTHER teacher…” Let’s not even talk what is the usual occupation of the speaker.

Studies has been challenging too. I’m investing $4000 per year to get my Bachelor’s. People ask me, what do I do it for? I’ve always wanted to be a graduate. It’s one of those things that my parents want to see when I first started out as a bright-eyed pupil. It’s a sense of accomplishment that I need to achieve. Of course, it would help me earn a better pay by getting emplaced and yes, it is a conventional method of moving up in life. But to me, it’s more than that. It’s about opening up my mind, learning to me is more than just the paper chase. I had intended to stay in teaching for a long time, but now I’m thinking of stepping out and doing something on my own. Something that will benefit young minds. Something that will not require me to bow down to people’s expectations.

But even one year down the road hold many mysteries. Amidst all the madness and craziness, I have found Yun. One who makes sense of all the madness that goes on around me. Her calmness rubs off on me. There’s so much that she does just by being with me. She stays true to herself and her dreams. She just wants to do what she loves. Making accessories, painting and creating various works of art. Selling them online to those who appreciate it. I’ve known her for almost a year and it’s so hard to see a shred of hatred in her. She’s always smiling and makes me so geram! She met my parents yesterday and it was great to see that she was enjoying herself. I’m sure my parents enjoyed her company as well. Looking forward to our relationship blossoming and reaching great heights. One poignant thing that I have learned this year is the need to maintain patience and rationality. In the past, I have let my emotions get the better of me at times. Now, I’ve learned to relax and more importantly, talk things through. Something happened this past week that had me fearing the worst, but I’m glad that things were sorted out and that things have become stronger eversince. Alhamdullilah.

So looking forward to the remainder of the year. I’ve a few things that I want to focus on (in no particular order, they are all important).
1- Get back my passion and harness it so that I can finish this year in education in a flourish.
2- Get healthy again. Eat wisely and exercise regularly and get the knee fixed.
3- Prioritize and dedicate my time to ventures that are worth it.
4- Pick up a new hobby, like photography. Get involved in Toastmasters again.
5- Come up with a sound 12 month plan to prepare for my likely departure form teaching.
6- Improve ties with the people who matter in my life. OK, I think this is the most important matter to me.

Think all that should keep me occupied. Now it’s time to FOCUS….

Road to Recovery, Part 1

It’s been 2 weeks since I had my injury. Most of the swelling has gone down and I am getting a clearer picture of how the knee is like. Walking is fine, alhamdullilah. Have not pushed the knee to its limits yet. Don’t think it’s time to do that anyway. Experiencing some pain at the back of my knee whenever I bend it. Don’t remember having that on previous occassions. Is it possible that I have damaged even more ligaments and tendons this time around.

Been doing some simple exercises. First, to strengthen the knee and second, just to get active again. Realize a major problem to my recovery has been my ballooning weight. I’m at 90+ kilos now. Yup, 90+. To think I was about 80 kg a year back. Somehow the pounds keep piling on regardless of my efforts of dieting and exercising. That’s a lot of weight for my knees to carry. Went swimming on Monday, gym on Tuesday, took a rest on Wednesday and did some stair-climbing today. Think the knee has been holding up pretty well. One step at a time, I’ll get there.

Think it’s important to shed those kilos first. But it’s difficult since the only effective method for me has been jogging. Since I should avoid high-impact exercises, that is definitely out. All this inactivity is only going to make me gain more weight. Need to find alternatives quick. Low intesity, low impact, sustained aerobic workout is what I need. 30 minutes each session, 4 times a week. That’s my target. Luckily I’m on school break now. I wonder how this will all fit into my working schedule. It’s not an option, it’s something I need to do.

Going to start seeking out treatments from tomorrow onwards. First stop will be TCM at Yishun. Acupuncture or massage perhaps? Delia told me that under the terms of my Personal Accident Plan, I can claim up to $1000 for TCM treatments and $4000 for Western-method treatments. This is why I recommend Personal Accident Plans for players as injury-prone as myself. I really want to make sure I recover from this. No holding back. Do everything that is necessary. I can’t do it again if I suffer a relapse. Might as well do it properly now.

No matter how long it takes, I’ll get it done. Think long-term. I still need to use this knee for a long time.