Kai’s Half-Time Report

It’s the end of June of the year 2009. Time to reflect on the first 6 months of the year…

Work has been particularly rough. When I first entered teaching, many people warned me, “It’s not what you expect, Kai.” 2 years after my official posting, I understand what they meant by that. Teaching nowadays is not really about teaching the pupils. Of the time I spend on work (at school and at home), maybe 20% is dedicated to actual classroom teaching. The reason I signed up to become a teacher is to help the children grow, teach them and mould them into useful individuals.

After a few years, I can’t help but feel DISILLUSIONED. I rarely have time for myself. Studying part-time has been difficult too. Between teaching, training the Sepaktakraw boys, setting worksheets and exam papers, marking at school, marking at home (until 10-11pm at times), doing uniSIM assignments and studying, I don’t have much time for anything else. Not that I allow myself to be reduced to such a state. I have tried my very best to maintain some type of social life, so that I remain sane. But, inevitably, something is going to be affected. In my case, it’s my productivity at work. To be honest, I am losing my interest in it. I only put in effort into things like really matter, like the well-being of my pupils. I tend to put other administrative matters and school projects on the back-burner. Unfortunately, this has led to some people at school seeing me as lazy and uncooperative. You got to love the mentality some of my senior colleagues have.

“You can do it, after all you are a single man. You need to build up your portfolio and build your career at this time.”

Teaching is a noble career and through it all, teachers continue to earn my respect. Time and again, I look at my colleagues slogging away and I ask myself, “How do they do it?” More interestingly, I’d ask myself, “Why can’t I be the same?”

Lazy? Maybe they are right…

This reminds me of an encounter I had with Jaz’s manager. He’s another man I respect. Confident and one of the few Malay-Muslims in Singapore who I consider really successful. But I can’t help but take offense to what he said to me a few weeks back. He was asking me when will I come back to the insurance business. There was nothing wrong with that but what he said after that took me aback. He said, “Nowhere in the Holy Quran was it stated that rezeki comes from being a teacher.” I was too stunned to say anything in reply. Sure, I am not going to be rich being a teacher, but why do people keep thinking that I am motivated by money? And the way he said it, it was like he was belittling my efforts as a teacher. I admire enterprising people and their pursuit for financial freedom but why do these people always talk down to folks like us who get by on a fixed income?

Fixed income = fixed minds.
People who live on fixed income are afraid of challenge.
and many more stuff that I have heard over the years…

Why do most people who are self-employed have this superiority complex over others? Always thinking they are better than the general public just because they are the 20% who will hold 80% if the world’s riches. Maybe I’m overreacting and took his words the wrong way but this frustration is real.

Where’s the mutual respect? I don’t go around telling people that all these self-employed people are just ruthless, heartless and greedy people who are only interested in fattening their bank accounts at the expense of fixed-income folks like me. They operate under the guise that they are supposedly out to help others. The sort who will tell people, “I only want to help” but chuckle to themselves when they think of the commission they earn by selling your house and buying that policy, even though they know it might not be in their clients’ best interests?

Not all self-employed are like that but trust me, there are people who are like that. I’ve been in the business for a short while and I’ve encountered agents like that. They’d do all sorts of things to get you to sign and when you do sign, they talk among themselves and remark on how “little” our thinking are.

“We are the cream of society. We refuse to conform.”

Oh, I hate that smirk whenever someone comes to me and say, “Oh, you’re ANOTHER teacher…” Let’s not even talk what is the usual occupation of the speaker.

Studies has been challenging too. I’m investing $4000 per year to get my Bachelor’s. People ask me, what do I do it for? I’ve always wanted to be a graduate. It’s one of those things that my parents want to see when I first started out as a bright-eyed pupil. It’s a sense of accomplishment that I need to achieve. Of course, it would help me earn a better pay by getting emplaced and yes, it is a conventional method of moving up in life. But to me, it’s more than that. It’s about opening up my mind, learning to me is more than just the paper chase. I had intended to stay in teaching for a long time, but now I’m thinking of stepping out and doing something on my own. Something that will benefit young minds. Something that will not require me to bow down to people’s expectations.

But even one year down the road hold many mysteries. Amidst all the madness and craziness, I have found Yun. One who makes sense of all the madness that goes on around me. Her calmness rubs off on me. There’s so much that she does just by being with me. She stays true to herself and her dreams. She just wants to do what she loves. Making accessories, painting and creating various works of art. Selling them online to those who appreciate it. I’ve known her for almost a year and it’s so hard to see a shred of hatred in her. She’s always smiling and makes me so geram! She met my parents yesterday and it was great to see that she was enjoying herself. I’m sure my parents enjoyed her company as well. Looking forward to our relationship blossoming and reaching great heights. One poignant thing that I have learned this year is the need to maintain patience and rationality. In the past, I have let my emotions get the better of me at times. Now, I’ve learned to relax and more importantly, talk things through. Something happened this past week that had me fearing the worst, but I’m glad that things were sorted out and that things have become stronger eversince. Alhamdullilah.

So looking forward to the remainder of the year. I’ve a few things that I want to focus on (in no particular order, they are all important).
1- Get back my passion and harness it so that I can finish this year in education in a flourish.
2- Get healthy again. Eat wisely and exercise regularly and get the knee fixed.
3- Prioritize and dedicate my time to ventures that are worth it.
4- Pick up a new hobby, like photography. Get involved in Toastmasters again.
5- Come up with a sound 12 month plan to prepare for my likely departure form teaching.
6- Improve ties with the people who matter in my life. OK, I think this is the most important matter to me.

Think all that should keep me occupied. Now it’s time to FOCUS….