It’s Inevitable

So it finally happened.. I did my knee again.. Damn it was so frustrating.. It was nothing really.. I tried to nick the ball from the striker, he beat me to it, I turned to chase him, the next thing I know, I felt the knee snap (twice) and I was rolling about on the floor.. The grass tasted better this time around though.. The pain was familiarly excruciating.. I remember looking up at Jaz and Azhar and shaking my head..

“I’m done.” (in more ways than one, hey that rhymes!)

As I sat at the sidelines and watch my comrades battle away, my entire left leg went numb. It felt different this time.. This was bad. I remembered the lines in Roy Keane’s autobiography that I read recently.

“When you are injured, you become a nobody. You become useless.”

Gosh, I understood what it meant.. I’ve felt it many times before..

After the game was over, I tried my best to wrap my knee up.. I trudged back to the field where the team was having its post-match discussion.. I couldn’t help but feel a little detached from proceedings.. As Jaz talked about the team direction and the new jerseys we were getting, I felt distant. As if I were a thousand miles away, watching him through a really strong telescope.

Abang Sani suggested that I stayed at the bus stop so that he could bring the car around and pick me up. No way. Even in injury, my pride was too strong. I battled on, one inch at a time, as friends came to tell me how sorry they were. Trying to pick me up and give me suggestions on how to recover. I am grateful for the gesture but in times like that, little can make you feel better.

It would have been wise for me to head straight home and get some rest.. but wisdom is one of those things that I lack when football is concerned. We must have our post-game dinner! We must! We headed to Yishun..

As I looked around the table, I realized that I was accompanied by people who really mattered to me in Redbacks. Jaz and Aki, two guys who have walked this journey with me for so long.. Abang Sani who I admire and respect for his longevity and positive approach to the game.. Azhar, a captain who I respect for his passion and generosity in sharing knowledge and advice.. Aidil and Irwan, two guys that I can relate to and connect with even though I don’t spend much time with them.. I wouldn’t have wanted to share my post-match dinner with anyone else.. Especially when it could very well be my last..

When I got home, it was all quiet.. My folks were turning in.. Allah bless Abang Sani for helping send me back home. As I laid in bed, I thought about the events that transpired a few hours before.. I rubbed my knee, hoping for a miracle.. Perhaps I’d be blessed with Wolverine-like healing abilities and when I wake up the next day, I’ll be good as new..

Woke up with a super stiff knee.. Limped to the shower and pretty much everywhere else.. Got SMSes from Yun and Jaz at about the same time.. Jaz’s sms was typical him, “How’s the knee? Getting replacements at Mustafa?” I wish there were dude.. Going there with you the other time was a blast.. They have everything.. Everything except human body parts? Then again, how would I know? It’s not like I asked.. Maybe they had a secret stash somewhere.. With people trading kidneys these days, anything is possible.

Went to see the doctor to get medical leave.. Was supposed to attend workshop in school today.. Looks like I got my wish.. But the price I paid was a little expensive.. Yun followed me.. She’s such an angel.. I was being whiny and stubborn but she gamely took all of it in, and she gave back some.. I just love that woman.. We went to Causeway Point afterwards to buy a reusable ice-pack.. Cannot forget the look she gave me when I told her I wanted to catch a movie.. It said, “Are you out of your mind?!”

As I dragged myself home, we ran into my mum.. Well, we were not really running, I couldn’t even walk properly.. More like bumped.. Although we did not actually physically bump into my mum, we were like.. oh well, you get what I mean.. So that was the first time my mum met my darling.. By chance.. I hope Yun wasn’t too spooked by the whole ordeal.. If she was, she hid it perfectly.. She seemed comfortable around my mum.. Yun waved me goodbye at the bus interchange as mother and son headed back home.. “She’s not coming?” asked my mum.. Next time, Mak.. Next time she will…

On the bus, my mum and I talked.. She was telling me about how her course was going.. She was impressed with the bits of motivation that the trainers were inserting into the lessons.. She wished she had such education earlier in life.. She would have lived life a bit differently.. Well, belated wisdom is better than prolonged cluelessness.. I thought of my life.. Am I making a difference in the way people think just like how the trainer has made an impact in my mum’s life? So many questions..

Such a relief to be back home.. The knee was killing me.. Good to be able to relax and rest the knee.. By this time, I still have not decided what to do with it.. Need the swelling to subside first.. Then we’ll get back to recovering.. But will I be playing for Redbacks again? Never say never.. I don’t want to think about that first.. I need to get better first.. Then we’ll see how it goes.. It doesn’t look good but regardless of what happens next, I had a good run in this game..

From starting the game at 10 years old (yeah, late beginning).. becoming the star striker for the C Division team in AMKSS.. to becoming Maldini’s clone in the B Division team.. Flamboyant.. Stamford.. Footballing education at Changkat CSC.. Improving as a player and impressing at Tanjong Pagar and Balestier.. A few social teams and finally being one of the founding members of Redbacks.. It has been one hell of a ride..

The best part: the friendships forged, bonds built and memories immortalized..

I hope my footballing story is not over.. But sometimes you have to put your hands up and admit that enough is enough..

One step at a time.. First, I walk. Then, I run..

Next, only Allah knows….