The sky looks dark once again. Seems to happen a lot on Sunday lately. Another day of soccer scuppered? Perhaps. Any reason to be frustrated? Well, if you’re the type who are not patient with Allah’s will, you could be. I rather look for the blessing in disguise. No soccer would mean a day of relaxation at home with my parents. I would be able to finish the second draft of my exam paper that I needed to submit last Thursday. Gosh, so many changes. I wonder if I can finish it on time? Taking a break now. My eyes are really tired from staring at the screen.
Wanted to blog last night before I went to bed. There were things that happened that pushed some buttons in me. Good way or bad way, I’m not sure. To be honest, I forgot about what I felt last night but it was mainly made up of insecurity and fear. Sometimes when I think of what happened to me in the past, it brings me a lot of pain. I swear that when I think of my past these days, I feel a physical pain in my chest. Is this what people meant when they said you could die of a broken heart?
What is it about the past that have people clinging on to them? Why is it such a powerful part of a person. I’ve seen people paralyzed by their past, unable to move on with their lives. I’ve encountered people who use the words, “My past is too painful for me to forget.” Why do people subject themselves to such pain and deny themselves the chance for something truly moving and magical?
Human beings are a complicated bunch. You can never have any individual person figured out, no matter how long you’ve known them. Desire and emotions are just some of the unique traits that make us who we are.
As such, I’m thankful for the life I have now. I’m generally happy. I am still relatively healthy. My parents are healthy too and we are not troubled with debt. I still have a job in these tough times. It still allows me to play a significant role in the development of young minds. I have friends who colour my life in so many different ways. I have Yun, who brings me so much joy and happiness that it is hard for me to really describe in words how much she means to me. I just hope in my little ways, she feels what I feel.
