Pasrah…

Back from another Subuh prayer and sermon session from the mosque. It’s fast becoming one of the highlights of my week. Of course, it’s still a chore to get up so early but by the end of the session, I appreciate its significance. As such, I feel it is good to share the things that I’ve learned today through my blog. In a small way, it helps me spread the word of Allah.

Today’s topic was on Qurban. But the ustaz has a habit of digressing a bit. Usually when he does it he talks about real-life situations. I always like it when I’m given such relevant scenarios to reflect on. One of the issues he talked about was the feeling of pasrah towards Allah. The word pasrah is usually associated to those people jilted in love. Like, someone got dumped and feels sad and all, but he accepts his situation by saying, “Gua pasrah beb!” Funny, culture has made the word pasrah become the butt of jokes, a punchline of some sort. But I was reminded today that the word pasrah actually has a noble meaning, if applied in the proper context, much like everything else in life.

In the current financial crisis, we are inevitable tested with some tough situations. We already know that companies have stopped hiring, some have their bonuses and pays cut while other more unfortunate ones get retrenched. The ustaz urged us to be patient when we are faced with such tests and to return to Allah to seek guidance and solace. He remarked that many of us, when faced with tests, are not pasrah about them. In Singapore, money is and will always be an important aspect of life. We have to pay the bills, pay for our children’s education, pay to travel, pay for childcare and nursery, pay to use the toilet, pay to get married. It’s hard to imagine life without money, isn’t it? Money has been tight for me personally this month and I’m feeling the crunch. It leads me to think, have I become a slave to money? I’m so upset when I’m broke but my lack of religious connection seldom disturbs me. What have I become?

Naturally, the ustaz proceeded to talk about Malay weddings. He said that people have become too preoccupied with weddings and dowries and stuff like that. According to the market, dowries should be between $8000 to $10000. That is dowry alone, not including other wedding expenses. He pitied the young men who have to cough up the money. All in the name of maintaining the honour of the bride and her family. He said nowadays mothers are so ashamed if they had to tell people that their daughter’s dowry was only $6000 or less. My question is why do people need to ask such questions. Is the dowry a measure of the value of your daughter. If one girl gets a dowry of $12000, is she twice the person of one who gets only $6000?

I know of some friends who have resorted to taking up personal loans to come up with the cash for their weddings. They end up paying off their debts for many years afterwards, some till after they have kids. Parents nowadays don’t seem to mind seeing their sons subject themselves to such an existence just so the families’ reputations and honours can be upheld. I’m not against the figure, but more of the principles and motives behind it. Rank, status and reputation are created by Man. Allah won’t measure you by the money that you accumulate and the rank that you attain. It’s the deeds we do that defines us.

The other thing he touched on was the concept of rezeki and effort. He used the example of the fishmonger we see in the market. He reflected that the fishmonger is not a Muslim. He does not pray, yet Allah grants him the ability to earn money. Why? Simply because he wakes up early to go out and buy fish from the wholesaler and heads to the market and re-sells them to the citizens. It’s about the effort he puts in.

Somehow, the sermon took my thoughts to Niza. When I think about it, she has not been working for a few months. Yet, I have not heard her complain about not having money or stuff like that. If I were her, I’d be going nuts by now. I think I’ve grumbled a lot about the smaller bonus that I’m getting this year. Allah has just taken away a small portion of his nikmah from me, yet I am not pasrah about it. I should be thankful that I still have a job. Niza’s patience about her situation has been rewarded. She still gets orders from customers for the accessories that she makes and recently, someone purchased one of her beautiful paintings for a substansial amount. Allah has given her rezeki through other avenues. When I think about it, it’s quite humbling indeed.

At the end of it all, I wonder why am I so angry lately? Where has my patience gone. One of my friends remarked that I’ve become very cold lately. She said I was not “the Kai that she knew back then”. How was Kai like back then? Have I allowed life’s trials to get the better of me? Nauzubillah.. I should really return all of me back to Allah. Only with his blessings will my life become better.

p.s.: (Free marketing) For those interested to see what accessories Niza has to offer, visit http://tararoad.net/

Wedding Bells

What? Another entry on weddings and marriages? What can I say, it’s the flavour of the month. End of the year usually means unions and plans of holy matrimony among many people. At this stage of my life, the topic of marriages always generates a lot of interest.

A few cousins of mine are taking significant steps of sorts in the coming months. One of them is getting married next month, to my neighbour of all people. Thanks to my mum the matchmaker. On top of that, there has been news of two of my female cousins getting engaged in the near future. One of them as early as next week. Such developments have the old folks in my family buzzing with anticipation. It lead to the inevitable question by my grandmother, “When are you getting married, Ril?” As always I muttered another half-reply of garbled words.

When my mother broke the news to my dad, I can’t help but listen into the conversation. My mum was surprised that one of my cousins, who is still studying, is going to get engaged soon. She wondered why was the guy in a rush. I replied, “She’s a beautiful girl, I think the guy is just scared he might lose her once she has her diploma.” Nothing I love more than making fun of potentially insecure guys. As my mother questioned the wisdom of the move, my dad slipped in a wise line.

“As long as they are aware and know how to carry out their responsibilities as husband, wife and parents, why not?”

That struck a chord with me and the little Kai inside of me nodded furiously. It’s not really about the age that you decide to get hitched, it’s about how ready you are. I know of too many people who get married and fail spectacularly as parents. They breed offsprings but they do not provide the knowledge and education. They put food on the table but do not feed the need of love. They focus on filling their homes with worldly possessions, certain that it would enhance their happiness but they don’t shower it with the blessings of God.

After all that, do I think that I’m ready for the challenge. I don’t know if I’m ready for it but I do know that I’m always up for it. What’s life without a challenge to overcome. I have this poster above my study table. It says:

CHALLENGE: Unless You Spread Your Wings, You Will Never Know How High You Can Fly.

Anyone want to fly with me?

Lazy Mode is On!

Alamak! I can’t believe I lost my Oakleys at the game last Sunday! It’s a habit of mine that has been hard to break. I always forget things after football. The adrenaline must be messing up my head. I’ve left my slippers, shin pads, boots, jerseys and all other stuff before but the Oakleys were the icing on the cake. I’ve had them for two years. It’s true what they say about those specs, they are built to last. Sentimental value seh. I bought them with my first bonus as a teacher. Perhaps it’s time to get another one?

The game was hard fought. I knew Mammoet would be a tough team to play against. Both teams had chances to score but Jaz popped up with the winner. A beauty of a goal it was. I had a chance to seal the game towards the end but my finishing has been lacking lately. Unlike the game against K-1-K, I had lots of space to exploit. Should really have done better. No matter, there’s always the next game.

Holidays are here! Been sitting at home most of the time, clocking hours on my XBOX. Feel like a kid again. I have also been dragging myself to the gym. My membership runs out in May 2009 and I intend to make full use of the time remaining. I don’t think I will be renewing it. Will be looking to sign up with a gym closer to home. SAFRA seems to be a good option. The gym at the Civil Service Club in Bukit Batok seems enticing too, but it’s a little pricy. I’ll cross the bridge when I come to it.

I should really find something constructive to do this month. I’m not really used to doing nothing. I suppose 11 months of slogging makes 1 month of idleness feel strange. Perhaps I could pick up a new hobby like learning to play the drums? Get my Class 2A license and open up the opportunity to getting a Honda Super 4 next year? Catch up on some reading. My books have been collecting a lot of dust lately. Maybe I should use the time to be more spiritually connected to Allah. Hmm, if I do all of those things, it would definitely fill up my holiday.

To the readers of my blog, I appreciate you guys reading the contents. Leave comments if you wish but be constructive. Usually only comments of my friends are approved anyway. If I cannot determine your identity and if your comment is considered immature and relatively useless, it goes into the trash bin. I know Singaporeans in general are hateful, spiteful and vengeful in nature but this blog is not the place for you to pass your silly remarks.

With that, I wish you a good day! Go out there and make a difference.

My heart stopped…

I’ve been receiving some bad news about my health this year. Besides being overweight, I have a high cholestrol level. Just now, I took another blood test. It confirmed the aforementioned problems but also uncovered other undesirable news. My digestion system was “messed up”. Those were the actual words used by Jacelyn Tay. Yes, the Mediacorp actress had the honour of analyzing my blood. It’s her business venture after all. Analyzing blood and prescribing herbs to help cure conditions. There were tell-tale signs that showed that my liver is not functioning well too. I don’t even drink! How is it possible that my liver is possibly damaged? There were tons of scary stuff going on in that one drop of blood. For a worrywart like me, such news can be devastating.

It put me out of my jovial mood. I always tried to take care of my health. Look after my diet as much as I could and exercised whenever I could. The question I’m asking myself is, “How can this happen to me? How did my health deteriorate so?” Physical activities nowadays are a chore. I get out of breath after climbing a flight of stairs. I’m always tired and fall asleep easily. Prior to the test, there was a presentation on the dangerous things one could find in the blood. More significantly, I had all of those stuff, and more! I expected some things to appear, but all of them? That’s too much to take.

I was adviced to stop taking spicy food for they suspect it’s causing my digestion system to go haywire. Yes, I was told to stop eating spicy food. Not reduce or cut down, do without it. It’s impossible but given the circumstances, I think I can live with the fact of not eating spicy food. I was also recommended to go on a one-month long medication course to clean my body. The price? A cool $500. Did I sign up? Nah. I need a second opinion. There must be something else that can be done.

I had to cancel on Jaz today coz of the news. I’m not really in the mood for fun and games. Well, that’s not the only reason. There’s something else.

Whenever I think about it, I feel so hurt deep inside. Somehow I cannot bring myself to do it again. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I still have the SMS with me. I’ve kept it in my phone so that I can always remind myself to do the right thing. But sometimes you do things for the greater good, or at least you think you’re doing something good.

Gosh, what a day this is turning out to be.

I’m so relieved that my exams for this semester are finally over. My body is really on the verge of breaking down. My eyes are stinging, my nose is dripping and my head is spinning. Yet my fingers continue typing. Perhaps I’m trying to listen to my subconscious self in this altered state of mind.

Last Sunday was another good football outing. Played well. Rarely lost the ball, got involved in the game and scored a goal. Nothing fancy but I don’t care, as long as they hit the back of the net. Would have been wonderful if I could score a scissors kick like Jaz. I tried to. Successfully ended up on my backside, completely missing the ball too. Thanks to Nureen, I have a picture that captured the moment.

I’m looking forward to the break. Time to kick back, relax and recharge. It’s been a hard year and I’ve worked really hard. Harder than I have all my life. It’s not much though for I know how lazy I really am. The ultimate procrastinator, that’s me. It’s been a real challenge juggling work and studies and at times, I feel I’m losing control of everything that goes on in my life. But as always, I find a way to make things work. I only have Allah to thank for giving me the strength and resilience to last the distance. Of course, I should not forget all those who have given me encouragement to keep going. I know I am a whiner, like Arsene Wenger.

Recently, I have been adopting a more relaxed approach to life. Sometimes I take things too seriously. I can be a neurotic at times. Always so emotionally involved and reacting extremely. What can I say, I’m a passionate guy and sometimes it’s difficult for me to accept failures and setbacks. However, I suppose we need to understand that not everything is within our power. Accept the hardships as tests from Allah and always believe that if we are able to put our setbacks aside and keep persevering, we will be rewarded.

Unfortunately that’s all I can write about tonight. I’m really in a bad shape. Hopefully, I will recover by tomorrow morning. Can’t afford to be away from school for another day. There is already so much work that I missed presently. Need to catch up. Just a few more days. Hang in there.

Virgo-go-go!

I’m taking a break from revising for my exams. It just dawned upon me that I have been a student for like forever.

6 years in Ang Mo Kio Primary
4 years in Ang Mo Kio Secondary
3 years in Singapore Polytechnic
2 years in National Institute of Education
1 year in University of the Singapore Institute of Management, so far…

Life is a journey of endless learning. Yet, there are many things in life that school can never teach you. The School of Hard Knocks as what some might call it.

“I realize that the time might not be right for me to be in a deep relationship now. I mean it’s not a must that I get married in the next two years. If it happens, it will happen you know. But I’m not like actively seeking out opportunities to get hitched.”

Sounds like the words of yet another lady trying to put me down gently right? Not really. Those words are mine. When I uttered out those words, it caught some friends by surprise. I’ve always been the type advocating marriage and holy matrimony. Why the change of heart? Have I been scarred beyond repair that the idea of being in a committed relationship makes me break out in hives?

Of course not.

That’s just the sensible side of me speaking out loud. As I look around my messy room and listen to my mother chatting on the phone with an unknown relative, a question screams out loud in my head.

“Am I prepared for marriage? To be a husband and a father?”

Personally, you will never know if you’re ready until you make the plunge. It’s not something that you can do and then pull out of when you feel things are not going your way. Then again, say that to the many people who have divorced within two years of marriage.

Being surrounded by married people don’t help. For one, you are constantly facing snide remarks about your singlehood. Words such as:

“So when’s your turn ah?”
“Kai won’t understand, he’s a single man.”
“I can go on paternity leave, you can’t.”
“Watch you words, guys. We have a virgin here.”
“There’s this nice girl I know…”
“What about her?”
followed by peals of laughter and giggles.

Some are looking forward till the day I am married because they are interested to see how it will change me. No wonder people are into this reality TV crap. Jose Mourinho would call all of them voyeurs. Some feel that I am being too picky. Why shouldn’t I be? This is the rest of my life after all.

Here’s my simple blueprint in dating:

Step 1 – Identify someone that you like.
Step 2 – Make the approach. If she’s attached, watch your step. If she isn’t, begin pursuit.
Step 3 – Does she dig you? If she does, good for you! If not, make her.
Step 4 – Is there anyone else? If not, go on. If there is, it’s good to back off. There are others. Start back at Step 1
Step 5 – Get to know each other better. Don’t rush things.
Step 6 – After some time, check your progress. If things are good, then what are you waiting for?
Step 7 – Get hitched, have babies, make money, live happily ever after!

Alright, so it’s not a completely fool-proof plan but at least it’s still a plan. There are other issues that can complicate things but like I told someone recently, “Why think of all the bad things that might happen when you can focus on the good things that will happen?” Asians like to focus on the negatives. It’s what have been taught to us in our upbringing. It’s always about not doing well enough. Why tell people things that they are bad at when you can tell them things that they are good at?

You see friends, I do not shirk away from commitment nor do I think that every woman will end up breaking my heart. I just approach life day by day and react to whatever it throws at me. One moment I’m focused on getting my Bachelor’s, the next I’m thinking of ways to capturing the attention of someone who has mine and the next I’m making adjustments to my life so that it will help make others happy. Maybe my date with destiny takes longer than most people. But if I’m destined to get married at 35 to a hot 20 year old Russian model, then what can I do about it right?

All I’m concerned about now is making sure that I become the best person I can possibly be. There are many areas of weakness that I need to work on.

1) I need to be spiritually stronger.
2) I need to fight my lazy tendencies.
3) I need to make better use of my time.
4) I need to love those around me better.
5) I need to keep the passion burning.

I’m random. I’m indecisive. I’m overly critical. I’m a Virgo, what can I say?

Bursting the Bubble

Just got back from football. Game had to be called off at half-time due to bad weather. Good thing too. We were losing and I failed to score. Would have been a blemish on the stats sheet. Hehe. At the same time, there is something disturbingly euphoric about playing in the rain. Brings back some good childhood memories.

Something struck me recently. Everyone of us has a set of beliefs right? We have our very own manual or standing order when dealing with different matters and situations. We live by the codes and ethics that we have defined for ourselves. Product of years and years of soul-searching. Our manual has undergone many revisions and changes and eventually, we are happy that we have come up with a solid set of beliefs and guidelines.

But what happens when someone comes along and tells you that whatever you believe in is inaccurate, misguided or even plain wrong? What if that person happens to be someone who is very dear to you? What do you do? Abandon your beliefs and adopt the other party’s? Wouldn’t that make you a person with no principles and backbone? Do you try to convince the other person that you are right and it is he/she who needs to change his/her perspective? Wouldn’t that mean that you are the one who begin imposing your values on them? Of course, we could just ignore the concerns and just be stubborn and tell ourselves that we are right. The problem is if it’s a personality thing, people may get frustrated, angry or downright fuming mad. What do you do? What do you do?

I don’t have answers. I guess learning psychology in school has messed up my mind a bit here and there. All these things such as social norms, belief system and individualism have made me look at life differently. I think everyone lives in their own bubble and they would definitely not be happy if someone came along with a pin of doubt and burst it. I think it’s even sadder if someone were to think that he/she superior. You know the sort that’d go, “I’m always right” and ALWAYS has something to say whenever someone disagrees with them.

There’s nothing wrong having a solid set of principles. But I think everyone of us should take some time to consider the viewpoints of others. We are human beings after all and we are not alien to making mistakes and error of judgment. Just because someone sees things and lives his life differently from you, it doesn’t make you better than him. It doesn’t make him wrong.

Different paths leads to different destinations. As long as that person is happy with where he is heading, let them live.