So we’ve come to the end of Ramadhan. It has been a good month. Always have been good for me. I remember when I was younger, I would try to escape tarawih prayers. Nowadays, I feel a little sad when I don’t get to go for one. That’s what growing up does. You begin to understand the things that really matter in life.
Some personal observations. It’s good to see the attendance at An-Nur (my neighbourhood masjid) in the last few days. The main prayer hall didn’t have enough space to accomodate the devotees. May Allah accept our ibadah and may our lifes be blessed, insyaAllah.
It’s also quite hard to see “Muslims” eating in the open these days. It’s good but I much prefer it if they put in effort in fasting. I worry greatly about those who pretend that they fast in front of their family members. Parents would think that their child is fasting, only for that same child to eat, drink or smoke when he/she meets his/her friends. Nauzubillah…
Still, these people are the ones who are often the most psyched up about Hari Raya. They go to Geylang and but the best clothes that they can afford, adorn their houses with all sorts of decorations and plan outings almost every weekend. It’s the same every year and once again, I can’t help but make noise about it.
Not that my puasa have been perfect. I’ve had to sacrifice tarawih prayers for SIM classes, assignments and the occassional night out with my buddies. Not to mention I still do 8 rakaats each time I do so. Should really try to do 20 rakaat on a more regular basis. As my dad told me, in this time of my life, I should use my energy. Do more when I can. Maybe next Ramadhan I will aim to do 20 rakaat if I’m not too busy on that night.
It’s been a good month. I’m sad to see this magical month go. In a few days, normal services will resume.
I would like to wish all of my family members, friends, acquaintanes and casual readers of my blog a Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri. I apologize for any wrongdoings, be it online or offline, intentional or accidental. To all Muslims, I hope you had a fulfilling Ramadhan and insyaAllah, we’ll meet this magical month again. May your life be blessed by Allah with happiness and joy this festive period. Eid Mubarak.
Oh the sweet taste of victory. The destination is even sweeter when you’ve had a challenging journey towards it. After getting 2nd at my club’s Evaluation Contest, I was determined to go one better at the Area Contest. Jaz told me that it’s just between me and Delia, but I wasn’t going to take any chances and get complacent.
I came to the contest one purpose: to be the champion. I’ve taken part in many contests before and have come close on a few occassions. This was my best chance since the Master Evaluator was not taking part. I felt obligated to carry the torch. My morale was boosted further when Delia told me that I was the only person she was worried about. I felt the same way. I was worried about me too.
A few last minute entries were made into the contest but I told Liza that I was not worried. As long as I gave my best and Allah wills it, I’m sure I would prevail. Throughout the pre-contest formalities, I joked with Delia, telling her that if I got second or third, I will not go up to get the prize. Brave words from a man who has never gotten first place yet. Delia was the face of focus and I really admire her for that. She told another contestant that she likes to win. Hey who doesn’t. However, when she admitted that she’d usually fall at the Area Level contest, I smelled blood in the water. I was the last to make my evaluation.
As I waited all alone in the hallways for my turn, I began to felt really nervous. My heart was pounding and beads of perspiration formed on my forehead. I told myself to relax. I remembered what was mentioned in the video they showed at the contest earlier, “All good speakers feel nervous before they speak.” I know I was good, but would I be the best on that day. I said all sorts of prayers and then the moment came.
After the actual evaluation, I went off the stage feeling pleased with what I did. I managed to give a better performance compared to my last evalution. It is really the basis of the entire journey of life: to strive for improvement. Whatever tangible gains we get is just bonuses. True enough, when the results were announced and I was crowned the new champion of the Area, taking over the mantle from my bro, Jaz. It was even sweeter that he was the one who presented the trophy to me. A truly special moment that I will cherish for the rest of my life. Area Governor sir, any chance of getting that picture?
As I went offstage, I spoke, “Two years, finally!” At that moment, I felt a thousand doubts dissipate from my self. The problem is I like to degrade myself, making myself out to be worse than I really am. Some would say that I don’t give myself enough credit and allow my lack of self-esteem affect my life. I agree with them. Sometimes, people see me as a confident young man with everything ahead of him. At times, I’m just another insecure young adult who sees only negativity in his life.
Which teaches me one thing about the power of the mind. I came to conquer. I have the skills and the motivation to do well. The victory was in no way assured, but I knew that having the right mentality would be half the battle won. I think back at all the times when I didn’t bother putting my best in my speeches or evaluations when Jaz was among the other competitors. Yes, he is on a different level altogether but my lack of action just made it easier for him. Surprisingly, he told me a few times that my performances forced him to up the ante even further. That’s the beauty of healthy rivalry. When you are pushed, you become better. By not giving my best, I’m not benefitting myself or others for that matter.
How’s this for a positive reinforcer. As I walked to the AIA Changi building from the mosque. I called Niza up. I woke the poor girl up again from her sweet slumber. Still, she bothered picking up the phone. In her sweet, sexy, half-awake voice, she mumbled replies. I couldn’t make out what she said most of the time, but I listened anyway. Told her how I wished she could be there. Then, I told her that if I won the contest, I’d dedicate it to her and that she could keep my trophy. Now that it has happened, I intend to see the promise through, if she’d let me.
Thank you to all those who have helped me on this journey. Jaz for being the perfect example of immaculate, innovative and inspiring speaker. Delia who showed me that improvement is always possible and having that desire to win. James, Fernando and Goo Yin, the people who showed me that we shouldn’t take life too seriously and focus at what’s ahead of us. All other toastmasters that I learned from and influenced my style and methods, like Pradeep Kumar, Richard Sng and Wekie Tay. Of course, not forgetting Liza, my bro’s wife, for being the only supporter I had for the day (besides the Master Evaluator of course!).
Looking forward to the next contest. 18th October 2008. Whatever happens after is a bonus. Still, I aim to be a winner.
The evaluation that clinched it. Apologies for the orientation. Camera error. Thanks to Liza for recording it.
My reaction after winning. It’s in Malay and meant to be in jest. No offense intended to any parties.
Tonight is the second night I have to skip lecture. Today is the second straight day I have failed to do any meaningful marking. All because I have an assignment to complete. Only half-way done. Need to submit by tomorrow. I’m going to try to finish it by tonight so that I can go for tarawih prayers tomorrow night. Bummer, to miss so many nights of tarawih prayers in the last 10 days. Which reminds me, I need to settle my zakat harta soon. Aiyayai..
Redbacks have finally decided to enter the D2D League. From dread, not I am looking forward to it. Suppose I’ve been caught in the comfort zone for too long. Playing at a level at which I am not tested. Relishing the challenge now. Hoping for another productive season, regardless of the position I’ll be put in, as long as it’s not in goal.
A few good nights spent last week with various groups of people. First, my colleagues at Evergreen Primary. The folks there are one one the reasons why I have not seriously considered leaving the school. It’s true that a supportive environment is one of the key elements of motivation at your workplace. I have bonded with Hirman, Alfiyan and Soffian. At 27, I can be considered the baby of the foursome. But their friendship has given me satisfaction beyond compare.
The Peeps had our annual iftar the next night. We might not be able to meet up that often these days, but they continue to be a cherished part of my life. Just being in one another’s presence, laughing and being nonsensical can just complete a dude’s night in ways hard to imagine. There is just this chemistry that we share which is difficult to explain. Four vastly different people, one formidable camaraderie. Faizal, Fiza and Suliana, you guys will always be an integral part of my life.
Just a short entry for tonight. Call it my affirmation minute. Time to get back to my assignment. Wish me luck!
Just finished reading a book from one of my uniSIM modules written by Dr Ng Aik Kwang entitled “Creative Problem-Solving for Asians”. It’s required for me to tackle one of my assignments. Dr Ng should be proud. This is the first book that I have successfully completed eversince I started my uniSIM adventure. It helped that it’s a fantastic piece of reading! I’m also fortunate that I happen to be in Dr Ng’s tutorial class. He’s an eccentric character. A true embodiment of twisted creativity.
I finished reading it after reading the latest entry on Jaz’s blog. It left me with a strange feeling inside of me. Jaz has always been a strong character who refuses to back down on his beliefs. In Dr Ng’s book, he’d be described as the extreme innovator.
The topic of his latest entry revolves around the hoo-haa about Redbacks Football Club taking part in yet another social league. I have been one of the most vocal members in the discussion so far, adamant that we do not participate in the league. A section of Dr Ng’s book mentioned about pessimists and optimists and what is the factor that differentiates them. When I look back at my first comment on the issue, it was pretty obvious that I was expecting the worse to happen again.
During the Spiders’ first foray in a social competition, I tore my knee in the first game after just 10 minutes of action. I drifted out of the team. From being a vital cog in the middle of the park to being an afterthought. A truly traumatic experience for me personally. From my growing up years, I have never been described as good at football. In secondary school, I was seen as the boy who only had pace and a good shot. Couldn’t dribble (still can’t). I had height but didn’t know how to use it and my first touch was relatively hopeless!
Only in my late teenage years and early twenties was I able to reap the benefits of my resilience. It was so easy to give up the game when I went to polytechnic. But I was blessed to be around people who loved football and my love affair with the game continued. This is perhaps a phase of life that my bro Jaz shared. He was technically more gifted than I am but he really blossomed later on. He was so dedicated to his art. Once, one of our friends, Azmi, made fun at him for his jerky, Parkinson-induced type of dribbling. From that day, Jaz worked hard to improve his game and eventually he became an influential player in any team that he played for. He even made past the selection trials for various S-League clubs such as Woodlands Wellington, Balestier and Gombak United. However, due to his perversion to training, he never ventured further.
Personally, making past the selection rounds for Balestier and Tanjong Pagar United was the highlight of my footballing life. It was the culmination of the hours of training and travelling. Together Azmi, Jaz and Allahyarham Zahid (May Allah bless his soul), we travelled many kilometres to Tampines (considering most of us lived up north) to train with Changkat CSC. I would say being there really helped me improve as a player, even though my stint there ended on a sour note. Not being selected for the Islandwide League team was painful, especially when I have worked hard in training and continually attending the matches even though I have not been registered. Hoping that the powers at be would give me a shot to prove myself. Was not to happen and I walked away having being deemed not good enough to pull on the shirt. Still, it was great memories and I’m eternally thankful for the experience.
I suppose the disappointment spurred me to prove them wrong, to prove myself wrong. I knew I had it in me. Just because I wasn’t selected once, I won’t be selected again. It did happen a few more times afterwards. But with repeated failures come the taste of sweet success.
Which leads me to wonder, why am I so agitated by the thought of entering a social league. Maybe I’m worried I would lose my place in the team and be confined to my sporadic 10-15 minutes appearance, chasing aimless balls, getting two to three touches in that space of time. Why do I feel that I must be recognized for what I can do on the pitch. Is it because deep inside me, I feel that my captain and teammates do not rate me as a player and that I have this paranoia that the team will drop me at any possible opportunity? Then again, why do i feel I MUST prove myself to team to justify my place in the team. Suffering from MUST-urbation, that is what Dr Ng would say.
How quick have I forgotten the season I just had. All the good things that were achieved were duly forgotten. Just because I let my own doubts get the better of me once again. I should really give myself more credit on what I can do. Should just put my head down and just get on with things. Resilient people always bounce back and the cream always rises to the top. I do ask myself why I bother speaking up for other people and pointing out “negative things” that supposedly will adversely affect the team. As the people at Nike would say, “Just Do It!”
Life is too short for too much worrying isn’t it? Social League or not, Kai will always be Kai and I will prove people wrong. You can’t stop me.
It’s Day 17 of Ramadhan. Passing by us so quickly. Slow down please! Crunch time is here again. Got the results for my first TMA. Once again, it’s better than I expected, alhamdullilah. Guess my tutor evened out his poor tutoring skills by being really lenient with the grading of the paper. However, the next TMA would be even more tricky. Let’s just do our best as always and hope for the best as well.
Something happened today that really ticked me off. It goes to prove how much charisma, or rather lack of it that someone has. A leader at my workplace decided to flex his authority in the sickest way possible. We have been told to get our pupils to shape up or risk having our performance grades brought down a notch. Somehow I knew that when they introduced the new payscale, the practitioners would be held at ransom by the grades. Award those who do well, use it as a means to “motivate” people to do better.
What sickens me the most is the notion that we are not giving our all to aid our pupils’ developments. That is truly a slap in the face. I don’t help my pupils to get a better grade or to gain approval from the supposed powers at be. I do it for them! What gives this bigot the right to think that we have been skating along and happily accepting the substandard performance of the pupils. Every educator strives to bring the best out of each child under his charge. He should really sit in my class everyday and see how much I push the pupils. They are children, not machines.
The atmosphere was flat after that announcement. I can see the disappointment in their eyes. I don’t think they were upset at the thought of having their rice bowl affected. For those uninitiated, the performance grade affects your increment and bonus. I think they were upset because their dedication to the service, career and their pupils have been questioned. I think it holds true for those teachers who classes are supposedly the “bottom performers” of the level.
I don’t think the class performance should be taken as a measure of the teacher’s ability. We should look at individual pupils and see how the teacher has helped them. My class can be considered one of the weaker ones too, but I do have numerous “success-in-the-making” stories” too. I have 2 pupils who can’t read and another 6 who have a weak grasp of English, which in turns make them weak in Math and Science too. But do I complain about it? Of course I do but I never let it affect my morale nor does it stop me from trying my very best to help them out.
How does this announcement change the way I do things? Not much really. For one, it’s not up to that idiot to decide my performance grade. It’s up to Allah Almighty. As much as many people believe that their fate is dependant on their employers, people forget that it is He who decides and provides our fortune. Only if He wills it, then it will happen. I’m not going to start changing the way I do things just because I’m worried of being graded poorly.
Once you start doing things for the wrong reasons, things will go wrong.
At the end of the day, it’s all about the children.
The original plan was to head to JB, but with the recent safety concerns and the fact that Jaz had to be a judge at a club’s speech contest meant we had to move things closer to home. In the end, the dude wasn’t able to make the competition due to “unforeseen circumstances”. Therefore, we had a chance to go on a double date. It’s been so long since we last did that. Check out the pictures on the right —–>
The day started at the Singapore Science Centre. Initially planned to watch an Omnimax movie but since the show wasn’t so attractive, we decided to take a walk around the facility instead. Jaz and I were like little kids unleashed on a no-holds-barred playground. We tried anything and everything and pressed buttons like there was no tomorrow! It was a little rushed though as the centre closed at 6pm and thus we headed to Sakura International Buffet at Clementi Woods Park.
The ambience was great, a little crowded though and the food was good! I’ve never been to Sakura before and sharing the experience with the significant people in my life made it a memorable one. We exchanged photos with one another and laughed at the dorky, nerdy and geeky teenagers that we were. Niza really looked so different in her pictures. Jaz took the opportunity to show her some embarassing photographs of myself. The big hair, the big spectacles and the skinny frame. Hahaha. Hey, Liza didn’t show us any of her old pictures!
With the night still young, we headed to Cineleisure. We wanted to watch 4bia but the show was sold out, so we settled for Step Brothers instead. With time to kill, we headed to the 9th floor to play a boardgame but were disappointed by unfortunate “rules and regulations”. Ended up trying to fish stuffed toys out of machines. Jaz and I got agonizingly close with snagging a Tigger. But it was not meant to be. A foosball sessions followed. Niza and myself romped to a 6-0 victory! That girl got good reactions. Jaz summed up the match with an own goal on the last ball. Photo Hunt followed and with 4 heads, it was fun all over.
We still had a way to go before the show started. Went down to the Coke Lounge on the 5th floor. Intended to sit down for a drink but Jaz asked the staff member if we could play the Wii. We could and you know how guys are like around video games. We left the girls to chat as we battled it out in various sports such as tennis, baseball and bowling. We were drawing amused looks from everywhere around us. It’s true what Dr. Ng, my tutor, observed. Asians are self-conscious and would seldom do anything that made them look weird. No such problem for creative monsters like Jaz and I! We never had problem making a fool of ourselves in order to be entertained. At least we found another place to chill out at!
The movie itself was hilarious to the max. Disgusting at times, crude all the time but entertaining! I recommend it to those people who are looking to de-stress after a hard day of work. But leave your brain at the door. This is no room for people who think they are cultured. Remember, I said “think they are cultured”. Seriously people, why so serious? Chill out a bit and enjoy what life has to offer.
Gosh, United’s loss to Liverpool was the only blemish of the night. But that’s football for you yeah. Pool have not been able to beat United at Anfield for SEVEN LONG YEARS. I know that it would eventually come. I saw that last defeat many years ago by the way. A 3-1 loss where David Beckham scored an equalizer after Riise scored a scorcher. If I’m not wrong, Gerrard and Hyppia scored as well. It was a truly painful memory. At least I didn’t get to watch this one! Haha. Still a long season to go. When United won the Double last season, it was clear that everyone was going to gun them down, just as how Chelsea experienced it a few seasons earlier. Still, the signs point to a great season. I’ll be happy if United just win one trophy this season.
Reached home at about 2am. Only had about 4 hours of sleep today and yet I feel energetic. I think the adrenaline of the outing is still fuelling me. I’m looking forward to the second day of my celebrations today with my family coming over to celebrate. Watch out for the review on that celebration!
Let’s jsut get to the point shall we. Enough of beating around the bushes and being long-winded.
Me and my "twins"
It was a good night at the Humorous Speech and Evaluation contest yesterday. Although I wasn’t in the right frame of mind. Got 3rd in Humorous Speech and 2nd for the Evaluation segment. One of the other toastmasters, Annabelle, highlighted that I should be happy that I managed to surpass my target. Last year, my speech failed to draw any sort of laughter from a tough audience. I told Annabelle that if I had just one laughter then I’d have made an improvement. Mission accomplished. Realize I was quite rusty and my evaluation lacked a conclusion. Master Evaluator Jaz said that my evaluation was flawless until that moment and might have caused me the championship. Sorry shifu, I’ll work to make that right come the Area Contest on the 27th. Can I have some supporters please?
Ledge
Cool eh? Thanks to Hijazi who took the time to put it together. After 3 years with the Redbacks, I wonder if I deserve the tag “legend”. I’d like to think that I’ve always been a contributor to the team in one way or another. It’s good to be in the limelight this year. Forwards get all the glory as some would say. 10 goals (no penalties involved) and 4 assists point to a great season. Looking forward to the next season! Can it start soon please?
How have my goals influenced the team? Have a look!
vs Penyabong at Mersing – Draw 2-2 (scored 1 goal from a free kick)
vs KB United at Bishan Park Sec – Draw 2-2 (scored 1 goal with my right leg)
vs High Light at Sengkang Secondary – Won 5-0 (scored 1 goal with my left leg)
vs Red Knights at Canberra Sec – Won 5-1 (scored 1 goal with my right leg, through the keeper’s legs!)
vs Selamba at Yusof Ishak Sec – Won 2-1 (scored 1 goal with a diving header)
vs White Waga at Ahmad Ibrahim Sec – Won 6-3 (scored 2 goals with my right leg)
vs Umbro Lite at Xinmin Sec – Won 6-3 (scored 1 goal with a header)
vs Whites at Ahmad Ibrahim Sec – Won 8-3 (scored 1 goal with a header)
vs Hotel Guys at Hougang Ave 6 – Won 3-1 (scored 1 goal with my right leg)
For the stats freak out there (I’m definitely one), whenever I score, the team NEVER LOSES! Only one word can be used to describe that. Talismanic, or TALIS-PANIC as described by Jaz. Hehe.
Self-indulgence aside, really can you blame me? Such seasons don’t come frequently to me, I’m going to aim to be even better next season, insyaAllah. I’ve been blessed by a relatively injury-free season and that is all I’m hoping for. To be able to play the game I love regularly. If I get an extended run upfront next season, I’m looking to score 15 goals and make 10 assists. I believe I can do it. I hit 7 assists before in one season. No reason why it can’t be done with my coming into the supposed peak period of a footballer’s life.
As such, maybe I should look into investing in a new pair of boots. Adipure ain’t really working for me. Only scored one goal since I wore the boots. Maybe going to back to Predators will help, or maybe I should get myself a pair of Nike Mercurials and take it to the next level! And they have to be red, blood red. For red is the colour of the blood of my fallen foes.. Muahahaha!
Anyone noticed that the Red Mercurials look like Iron Man’s boots? Would be a perfect birthday present! Is anyone out there listening? Hahaha.
Waiting for subuh to come. Such a peaceful time. As I sit down on my bed, I reflect on my actions, past, present and future. Can’t believe it’s already Friday. My one week break is coming to a close. Did I make the most out of it? Not really. Wanted to catch up on my course readings, but when there’s an XBOX nearby, it’s hard to choose reading over some fast-paced action.
It was superb to get out and hang with some buddies. On Wednesday, Aki was added to the mix of Winning Eleven enthusiasts. He always brings tons of laughter, usually at his expense. It’s been such a long time that the three of us hung out together. It’s been a testing period for my bro Aki. I don’t know how he’s coping with the pain of separation, or time-out (gosh, I’m so beginning to hate that word), but he seems to have an inner strength. I think his life struggles have prepared him enough to whatever problems that come. Even in his aloof and often exasperating life beliefs, there’s just something about him that makes him different from other people.
Can you believe that I had 15 absentees during supplementary lessons yesterday? Most of those people who did not turn out were my pupils who generally performed poorly during the exams! Why is it that people who always need help turn out to be the ones who do not actively seek it. I’ll deal with them once school reopens. Back in my days, I hated extra lessons. Tried to weasel out of it a few times but my parents were adamant that I attend. They would usually ask me if there’s any extra lessons before planning for a road trip. This time, it’s the other way round. We have parents calling in to tell teachers to change remedial dates so as to accomodate their travel plans and at the same time, allow their child to attend. How self-centred can you get?
So upset I was. Tried to make things better by securing a movie date with Niza afterwards. My heart performed a somersault when she said yes. Ah, the simple things in life bring unbridled joy. She made me wait, again. “Why not we meet at 1.30pm?” No problem. In the end, she arrived at 2pm. I was getting pretty agitated by then, but when I saw her apologetic face and that smile, the irritation just evaporated. Or was it because I knew I could not lose my cool since it was Ramadhan?
We watched Wall-E! I don’t get to watch much movies lately. Since we wanted to be able to buka at home, we went for the earliest movie. It was either the robot or Star Wars. It was a no-brainer really. I saw the trailers of the movie and I can’t help but notice how cute the robot is. Was so surprised to find a few heart-pulling and tear-jerking scenes in the movie. A few learning points I took away from the show.
1) Wall-E is passionate about life and love: Living alone of Earth for so many years, he created an existence that suited him. Truly made the best out of a bad situation. He even had a pet cockroach! Given the circumstances, I think I wouldn’t mind having a cockroach as a mate. The only possible choice. When Eve, the robot of his desire arrived, Wall-E literally devoted his time to her. So enthralled was he. It’s the schoolboy kind of affection that always makes people go “Aww…”
2) If you believe strongly in something, go for it: Wall-E traversed the universe so that he could be with his love. His naivity was admirable. As he marvelled at the stars and the beauty of the galaxy, he pointed them out to Eve, who was on standby mode and didn’t realize what was going on anyway. Always willing to share the little things in life with the one that mattered to him.
3) Do something without any expectations and you may never know how you will be rewarded: When Eve went on standby, Wall-E never left her side. Sheltering her from rain, protecting her from sand-storms, taking her out on walks. Even as Eve continued to “ignore” him, he persevered. Later in the movie, Eve witnessed his actions through her security camera and from there, they became even tighter.
The best bit came towards the ending as Wall-E sacrificed himself so that Eve can meet her directive. Best scene in the movie in my opinion. I was close to.. Never mind that. The trailers told us we would fall in love with Wall-E. Mission accomplished I say. Wall-E, you may just be an animated robot, but you truly inspired me!
