Damage Critical

Earlier today, I was grumbling about attending my cluster’s Health Festival at Innova JC. We were suppose to engage ourselves in some physical activities and learn how to take better care of our health. One of the fringe activities was a health check. The usual stuff, blood pressure, BMI, fat percentage. The coolest part was that there was a machine that could tell you how old your body was, based on the damage done. Seeing one of my colleagues getting an impressive evaluation of having a 23 year old body when he is 32 was interesting. Curiosity piqued, I underwent the same routine.

I know I have been in bad shape lately, allowing myself to bloat to up to 89kg presently. This is the heaviest I’ve been in my life ever. I know I was never going to get a body age reading that was reflective of my current age. I expected something in the mid 30s. However, my actual reading shocked me. I may be 27, but my body is 45 years old. 45! I laughed out loud but deep inside, I was really hurt. It finally hit home how badly I allowed myself to slip. My BMI was 29 and my fat percentage was 28%. The numbers were all close to dangerous levels. My blood pressure? Defined as pre-hypertension, a state which could lead to high-blood pressure in my later years.

When I took part in kickboxing lessons, I saw myself in the mirror and I did not like what I saw. I saw a huge man looking back at me, struggling to coordinate his bodily movements. I was easily a giant compared to those around me. I became the guy that I used to laugh at and make fun of in my younger days. A part of me was enjoying the session thoroughly but a part of me wanted to cry buckets of tears. How did I allow myself to get to this state.

The final part of the day was a 2.4 km run. I’ll say again that I hate running. Never liked it. In my heydays which were not too long ago, the best timing I ever got was 10 minutes 22 seconds, which was good enough for a passing grade. When I looked at the fellow runners, it just highlighted how much I stood as the odd one out. They were thin, trim and definitely fit. Me? The complete opposite. When we started the run, I swear I felt like my chest was going to explode. My mind turned to the people who suffered Sudden Death Syndrome from overexertion of physical activity as was reported in the papers lately. Still, I savoured a small victory when I was able to finish the run without slowing down to a walk. My final time. 14 minutes 24 seconds. At least it was less than a minute more than my buddy with the 23 year old body. But did I mention that two ladies ran faster than I did.

My buddy Alfiyan must have noticed my worried face and he told me, “At least you know beb. Now you can do something about it.” It was something that Jaz echoed to me too. Better late than never. With the added weight and creaky knee, rehabilitation will be an even more painful process. However, I have to do something about this. If I continue this way, I might just have 15 more good years of me before I am claimed by a killer disease. Imagine that, dead at 42 because my body is actually 60.

I need to change my life. I must.

Making Merry Matches

I was driving back home from my granduncle’s wedding reception yesterday when a lively discussion took place in the car. Yes, you read right. My granduncle’s wedding. He lost his wife not too long ago and married an Indonesian lady who is a little younger than my mum. Personally I was not surprised. This granduncle of mine has a boyish, passionate charm about him.

Moving on to the discussion. To be honest, it wasn’t much of a discussion. My parents were the ones talking and I was just sitting silently and taking things in. The topic of the day? My impending marriage. WHAT? Haha. Nothing to panic about. Then again, why should you guys panic? If anyone is going to be in hysterics, it should be me.

This was how it all started. My mother was beginning to think that her son is not going to get married after the collapse of my last relationship. She was beginning to see signs that I was getting too comfortable with my single self, so she asked me if it would be ok for her to seek out potential mates for me. “Once you’re ready of course.” I said yes and she engaged one of my grandaunts to find me one. This grandaunt of mine has a few rental houses in Johor and she has a ready market of single, available women. Yes, I’m being matchmade with Malaysian women. Just goes to show how much faith my mummy has in local women.

A few potentials have already been sniffed out. All within a few weeks. Gosh some people work really fast. Currently the one that my mummy is really excited about is a 28-year old lawyer who is from Segamat. Daughter of an ustaz. All around good girl, as described by my grandaunt. Apparently she’s had suitors before but things didn’t quite work out. My mother wondered why a girl of her stature is still not married? Choosy perhaps. Skeletons in the closet? Who knows.

My mummy asked the golden question afterwards. She asked me what I felt about everything. I just kept silent. There was a weird feeling deep inside of me. I was for once…

Worried….

Reflective Practices

I attended yet another workshop designed for Beginning Teachers (BTs) entitled Reflective Practices. Although the content of the workshop is the most abstract of all the other courses, I would say that the relevance and importance of this particular module is paramount.

Reflective Practices preached practitioners to look back and review our actions and make changes and improvements where necessary. As I was listening and playing with a koosh ball that the trainer so graciously provided me, knowing I might have attention deficient hyperactive disorder, I can’t help but relate this practice to evaluations at toastmasters meetings. The trainer pointed out that humans would usually look at other people, other reasons and other factors to explain why certain objectives are not met or why things don’t work out. Seldom do we look at ourselves when things don’t go right.

Upon further pondering, this quality of self-examination and evaluation is preached by our religion. Cikgu Rahim introduced this phrase to me many years ago, “Allah will not help that person until he helps himself.” Regardless of the unkind words and treatment that my classmates threw at him back then, you have to admit that is the best piece of advice that anyone can learn, remember and put into practice. There is this need for us to ask ourselves how well or how bad things have gone in our day. Be it teaching lessons in the classroom, relating to parents and colleagues or even relationship issues, it is always good to ask ourselves whether we could have done more to make our lives better.

Of course, do not overdo it. The last thing you want to do is to perpetually look fault within yourself. The bottom line is change is possible within us. Rather than wait for things to change in our favour, we should be the catalyst for that change. When doing reflection, employ the following phrase: Willy Walks Silently and Naturally.

W-What happened
W-Why did it happen
S-So what if it happened
N-Now what you’re going to do about it?

A simple process leading towards a deep understanding of self and all those that happens around us. Have fun reflecting.

Thought of the day: I never knew that a simple handshake and greeting would brighten up someone’s day. Lesson learned. Never underestimate the simple and small gestures in life. So go out there and bring happiness into other people’s lives!

And then there was four…

On 14th July 2008 at about 7am, Iman Rihanna binte Khairulnizam was born into this earth. Alhamdullilah. A child is one of the greatest gifts Allah can bestow on his worshippers. With the addition of beautiful Iman, I have a quartet of nephews and nieces. Two each too. I’m a proud uncle as you can imagine. When I held her in my arms and looked at her angelic sleeping face, I said a little prayer. May Iman’s life be filled with love and happiness and tons of blessings from Allah Almighty. These are the little things in life that really matter.

Sometimes we never learn..

I was sitting at Bukit Batok MRT station the other day waiting for a friend. To rid me of my boredom, I took out my handphone to play some games. As I was engrossed in my activity, I overheard a conversation between a few blokes not too far away from where I was sitting.

“How are we going to settle this now? I have a very big phone bill I need to settle!” said one.

“When is that guy going to take care of the bill? He said he needed two weeks. Up till now, nothing!” replied another.

“Chill, I’m in the same situation as you guys are. I can’t contact him. He only contacts me when he wants. You guys are not the only one affected here. There are many others,” reasoned a third.

I admit, those were not the exact words said. I translated them and made them grammatically correct so as to relate with my international readers. It did not need a genius to decipher what was going on. For those uninitiated, let me enlighten you on the situation. Before I do, do not accuse me of being a busybody. Gosh, they were speaking so loudly I bet almost half of the people at the station that day heard what was being discussed.

Ever heard of mobile phone scams? I’m not so familiar with it, but I remember it involved purchasing new accounts on behalf of others and handing over the purchased handphones for cash in return. Apparently, this dudes got involved in this scam, looking to make some quick cash. Things have gone awry now since the man behind this scam has been using their phone lines and chalking up hundreds and thousands of dollars worth of telco services debt. To make things worse, the man has disappeared and defaulted on payments, leaving the ones whose names are the registered owners in problem.

As they were talking, a few lines mentioned tickled me and at the same time distressed me.

“This is not the first time I’m involved in such a game.”
(Yet, you got yourself into it again. Isn’t that what stupidity is?)

“I can’t sit by and let someone like him make a fool like someone like us.”
(This was referring to the different races of the cheat and the victim. I shall not indulge in the exact details but to me, it’s not about the race. So are you telling me if the one cheating you was of the same race, you’d act differently? Cheating is cheating, regardless.)

“We can’t go to the police! We’ll get arrested too for conspiring.”
(As Malays say, “Tahu takpe.” Or what I would say, it’s good that you know. There you have it, the perfect scam. Do something that prevents people from reporting you as they know they’d get into hot soup as well.)

There’s so many ways to make an honest living, but true to form, some are just looking for the quick and easy way. I’d say you can make money work faster and better for you, but I don’t believe it can be made easier. You just have to be smarter.

Sometimes I ask myself, “Will my people ever learn?”

It’s all clear now..

A few weeks ago, I received an SMS from an acquaintance:

“Kai, I hate guys like you. I hope you get your retribution from Him. Don’t ever call me or msg me again.”

I was taken aback. Sure, I’ve pissed off some people in the past, but with this person, I can’t really think of a reason. When I probed further, she wouldn’t give me a reason. She just said there all will be known in due time. Our acquaintance was cordial at most. Nothing romantic or stuff like that. However, she is a good person. The type that you can joke and talk with.

True enough, over time, I kinda pieced it together. The last time we met was a karaoke session with one of my colleagues. When I met up with him after the term break, I quizzed him whether anything happened between him and this person. My colleague is charming and attractive and ladies fall for him easily. That’s his blessing/curse. If I went out with him, I become invisible, literally.

He wouldn’t indulge in too much details, but he said that some comments by this person over his Friendster account and there were some remarks that were considered overboard. Obviously his girlfriend did not take kindly to the comments and thus, a war of words erupted over a few parties. However, he only had this to say of the whole issue.

“Luckily things have ended. She’s a psycho dude, you should be thankful.”

According to him, she even accused that my colleague and I are gays. Well, we are close and we shared hotel rooms and shower facilities together. But never into those carnal stuff. Gosh, you never want to question a man’s sexuality. Especially when you’re my colleague.

Things make sense now. She needed someone to vent out her frustrations on. Being the often clueless and easily-rattled-by-unkind-remarks sort of person, I was the perfect candidate.

Lesson of the day: First, if you’re upset about something, don’t look to take it out on others. Reflect and perhaps you might learn something and be a stronger person. Two, have faith in yourself. If you did nothing wrong after taking a long time to reflect, chances are you didn’t. Three, don’t remember a person for all the bad things he/she did to you. Instead, recall all the good things he/she brought to you and how he/she has enriched your life.

Even though my friend calls her a psycho, I still respect her for she still is a great person underneath.

Sins, Weddings and Coffee Sessions…

Shaheen asked me something just now that sent chills down my spine.

“Kai, what is the worst thing you have ever done?”

That question caught me off guard for a few reasons. First, it came out of the blue. Second, I’m surprised at her nonchalance in asking me that. Third, it brought back memories that I have been trying to bury.

I refuse in indulge her in any details. I think enough has been done and there was no point digging up the painful past. I could only answer it this way:

“It’s bad enough to make me wonder if I have paid my dues.”

To which she replied, “Kai, Allah does not punish us, He forgives. We have to forgive ourselves first before He can.”

Wow. How true. Well played girl.

Yesterday, my beloved mother told me that she asked one of my distant grandmothers if she knew any good girls that she can introduce me to. Apparently this grandmother of mine has a good “client base” of single, eligible Malaysian women. Great. Malaysians have been complaining about us Singaporeans a lot lately. The last thing I want to do is give them another reason to hate us. My mother has this vision that she wants me married to an ustazah, an educator well-versed in the teachings of Islam. That’s cool, mummy. I wouldn’t mind marrying an asatizah, question is would such a person marry someone like me?

She’s been talking about things such as engagements, rings and weddings lately. Am I disturbed by all this? Nope. Not at all. It all started when I remarked that I’m turning 27 this year. She was so surprised. “You’re 27 already? You mean you’re not 24 or 25?” Either I look and behave younger than I really am or she cannot accept the fact that her mummy’s boy is finally becoming a man. Could be both.

All these events coincided when I started asking Allah to help me find the woman who I will share my life with. True enough, I started praying for her eversince my mother mentioned that she prayed for me to find my better half when she was performing her umrah. Furthermore, what do I have to lose, considering the kind of luck I’ve been having with women lately. Even Jaz sort of echoed the sentiment.

“With all the terrible relationships you’ve been having and the cocked-up people you’ve been meeting, perhaps the time for happiness is about to come.”

Amin bro. I’m so hoping for it. Looking at him, he has been really enriched by marriage. It’s how marriage should be. Two people growing to become better people and of course better Muslims. As always, everything we do in life leads us back to Allah, He who has created this world for us to live in.

On that note, I just realized a certain evolution of the central topic of discussion during coffee sessions with Jaz. In out early adult life, we were usually talking about the women in our lives and their idiosyncrasies. Then, it centered around career and how we were going to make our first million and live the high life. Now, it’s usually about how we are going to be spiritually closer to Allah and living as true Muslims as how the great Nabi Muhammad s.a.w. has shown us. Apparently, we do grow up. Can’t be a Toys ‘R Us kid forever.

p.s.: Start your day and every action with “Bismillah”. Celebrate good news with “Alhamdullilah”. When you’re losing your cool and enthusiasm for life, fix it with “Astaghfirullah”.