where’s that pause button?

i just got home from another back-breaking, muscle-tearing and lung-busting workout at the gym. raj was talking to me about how the career path at his place was changing and that it would be much difficult for people to be promoted. basically, there will be more people challenging for lesser management positions. tough break for raj considering he has been on a steady rise towards management. oh well, the only thing certain in life is uncertainty.

i caught made of honour a few days back with my colleagues. it was an enjoyable show. predictable but enjoyable. somehow i can relate to the character played by patrick dempsey. i wonder if my life will turn out that way. who knows? nobody can predict the future. would be cool thought. imagine having a good girl friend and freaking out when she announces that she’s gonna get married. it’s like you realize she’s not going to be around you anymore and the thought of spending the rest of your life without her presence is something you just cannot fathom. gosh, shouldn’t love feel that way. sometimes you learn things about yourself and others in way you can never imagine.

i can never seem to live my life without exposing it to some sort of drama. the latest episode involves, nah, no point talking about it. what’s done cannot be undone. people make choices and we have to respect how they choose to live their lives. i can’t be bothered about what people think about me. especially when those people bear no great significance in my life. my loved ones know me for who i am. they are all that matter to me.

after many years of being a gamer, i realize i still suck at fighting games. discovered that yesterday at funan centre. jaz and i played on the xbox for close to an hour, slugging it out on virtua fighter. i should have expected being creamed by a man who was a street fighter freak back in our school days (evidence that an ah beng is present in every person). i could notch a few upset victories, mostly with wrestling-inspired characters. that says a lot.

for now, i’m just enjoying my long awaited and overdue school holidays. no lessons, no marking, no kids for at least 2 weeks! still, the days seem to be going by too fast for my liking. i wish i could live my life in slow motion right now. hmm, if only life had a pause button…

Man Utd – Champions of Europe

the title of this post says it all. got up at 2am to catch the game. i sacrificed my sleep but boy, was it worth every second. no hollywood writer could have written a better script for the finale. golden boy ronaldo scoring his 42nd goal of the season with an exquisite header. tevez missing a glorious opportunity before lampard made the most of a fortunate deflection to equalize. he dedicated the goal to his late mum of course. chelsea laying siege on united’s goal in the second half, hitting the post twice in the process. drogba “losing his head” after slapping the man guilty of making that remark, vidic. bye bye drogba. possibly for good. nani and anderson coming in at the last moments, perhaps symbolizing a change of guard and looking to the future.

then came the penalty shootout. ronaldo of all people missed. captain terry had a chance to win and boy did he fail to deliver at the most crucial moment. giggs, making his record appearance for the club stroked his penalty to give united the advantage and finally anelka, a man known to always score against the devils, denied by the irrepresible van der sar. all of this achieved in the 50th anniversary of the death of the busby babes.

excellent stuff. this is what makes football so irresistable. so dramatic, so fascinating. it may not be as dramatic as the final in 1999, but this match had me on my seat all the time. what a season this has been.

p.s.: i’m sure many chelsea fans (who were formerly united fans) will jump ship and take out their old jerseys can pledge allegiance to the devils all over again. gosh i hate glory hunters.

i have a dream…

one day, i’ll walk into my principal’s office and i’ll tell him with the most authoritative voice i can come up with, “Sir/Madam, I would like to go on a 6-month unpaid leave! If you don’t want to grant me this request, I have my resignation letter ready for you.”

my principal would probably say, “why do you need to go on unpaid leave, mr. khairil?” to which i would politely reply.

“i just want to take a long holiday.”

i can see it now. hopefully by then, i’d have my big bike license and own a touring bike. an african twin or a bmw series perhaps? or maybe i’d go old-school and own a harley. i’d get my digital camera, slr or course and my notepad. nope, no notebook on this trip, i have to travel light.

my aim? to come up with a coffee table book chronicling my journey across Allah’s lands. i’d start from singapore and ride through malaysia, thailand and beyond. perhaps i might even cross the old Silk Road to india and further. since i’m already there, why not go on to the place where two continents meet and finally reach europe. how long would that journey take by bike? i dunno but all of a sudden i have this dream and urge to tour the world on a bike. just once before i close my eyes for good.

driving is cool and all but there is something liberating about a motorcycle with the wind blowing in your hair. maybe for me, it’d be wind blowing around my bald head. i think i’m influenced by a perfume advertisement where ewan mcgregor was shown riding around on his motorbike, taking pictures of sights he encountered. somehow the project appeals to me. who knows if i can do it for charity too. it would be a good cause.

fat-fetched dream? hey, we’re all allowed to dream. never let anything stop you from dreaming my friends. you’ll never know where your dreams can take you.

am i too nice?

recently, i’ve had some people tell me that my problem with women might be due to the fact that i am too nice to them. “women like guys who have an occasional mean streak in them,” said one. “guys who are too nice tend to be treated as door mats,” said another. “be too nice to a woman, they’ll take advantage of you,” related another soul. “you must be doing something wrong for these women to think that you are always there at their beck and call,” concluded yet another friend.

so many people cannot be wrong, right? (hey is that an oxymoron? or am i just the moron?) i do admit that i tend to be too nice. not to just women but everyone in general. unless i don’t like the person of course. if that was the case, i couldn’t care less. and yes, people do take advantage of me. it’s happened many times in the past and it continues to happen. does that mean i need to cultivate a mean side of me. i’m not saying i don’t have one. for a brief moment of my life, all i had was a mean side. however, somewhere along the way, i stopped being mean. there’s more to life than being mean and nasty to people. it’s not what our religion preaches of us.

sometimes you do get irritated and ticked off by what people do to you and you get sore about it. still, there is no reason to suggest that i should stop being nice to people. as one of my other friends said, “people can say what they like and do what they like to you, but the important thing is that you remain true to yourself and be who you are.” (thanks azura.) i’m not going to be nasty, bitter or sore just because other people do not appreciate me for who i am and think they are entitled to say things about me.

someone once said, the measure of a person in not when he is at his best, but when he is at his worst. some people have shown me their worst side lately and it made me realize some mistakes i’ve made in my judgment of people. it happens all the time. you thought you knew someone and you could think highly of the person. but the acts that we do are what defines us. i’m shocked, surprised and stunned. it’s just so unfortunate. sometimes people can be so ungrateful and ungracious.

still, life goes on. put things behind us and just get on with life. as i said many times before, people will see what they want to see and believe what they want to. i’m no different. whatever has been said and done, it’s all water under the bridge. whatever happens, i will not compromise my principles. there is no need for me to be mean. i suppose i just need to learn not to give in too much to people. too much of something is a bad thing. life, as ever, is all about balance.

live life.

Battle Time!

Today is the day. My first exam paper at uniSIM. My last TMA for this module shook me up. Scored 60 points only. So there has been a steady decline of my grades. From 80 to 79 and now to 60. What will be exam paper produce? My target is an 80. I’m guessing that will help give me an A- or a B+. The key here will be how well I can do for Block 3 of the Module. I’m comfortable with analyzing paintings, sonnets and philosophy. I’m pretty alright writing about the Colosseum and the Roman Games. However, the French Revolution, Neo-classicism and Romanticism and Rosseau, David and Friedrich are very much a mystery to me. My revision for the last few days have focused on Block 3, naturally.

Was memorizing the paintings yesterday when I got an invite to go out for a movie. I knew I should continue working, but my mind and body was aching for a break. So I went all the way to Vivo City to catch Speed Racer with some friends. I was pleasantly surprised that I enjoyed the movie more than I expected. It was a colourful, fantasy-like spectacle. It’s like watching a cartoon! Hey, wasn’t Speed Racer a cartoon in the first place. I’d recommend it to people who are looking for a pleasant, light-feeling movie experience.

I’m still a little sleepy though. Got back home at about 1am. I think a shower and a little cat nap later is all I need to gear myself up for the last lap of my revisions before my paper tonight. Wish me luck! I am definitely going to need it.

i am blessed because

i have a family that loves me for who i am and is always there for me whenever i need them.

i have true friends who cherish my presence regardless of how eccentric or irritating i can get.

my career of choice gives me great fulfillment. the children i meet everyday enrich my life and i am thankful to be able to play an important role in their life.

my colleagues are true sources of inspiration. they are testament to the sacrifices a teacher make. they are a bunch who you can always laugh and cry with. not to mention we can complain and bicker together too!

i am still fit enough to lace my boots and play the sport i love. considering there are people in the world who can’t walk, i should not let something such as a bad knee keep me down.

i earn enough money to support my parents and give them a sense of comfort in life.

i try to make my parents happy and able to enjoy their presence here with me. i know of people who have to live without one or even both of their parents.

i have my health. sure, i get the occasional flu, fever or cold, but who doesn’t right? with health, it allows me to pursue what i want to do and brings me closer to my dreams.

studies have not been too tough. Allah blessed me with considerable amount of intelligence, alhamdullilah. somehow i manage my life. sometimes it gets really tough, however i pull through.

my heart is still good, at least i believe it is. i try to do good to others without expecting for anything in return. sometimes doing such things give people the impression that they can take advantage of me. at times, people do, but i just smile through it and get on with life. as a malay saying once said, “buat baik berpada-pada, buat jahat jangan sekali”. never do to others what you do not want to happen to you.

still, i am not without my imperfections. who is perfect? a person named nobody perhaps.

for all that, i am truly blessed.

have you seen the naive me?

many years ago, i was a firm believer in the cosmic and mysterious force that is love. i was that kind of person who believed that there is a soulmate out there for every person. never give up on love. love is beautiful and all that. deep inside i was like any other, waiting to have my very own fairytale ending.

now, things are not the same anymore. i’ve grown tired of this whole game. i’m tired by the charades that people play and the rules and regulations that you need to adhere to. somewhere along the way, i stopped believing. every single thing that happens to me with regards to relationship is perceived with intense negativity. i see many happy couple out there, yet i can’t prevent my mind from being filled with tons of negative thoughts.

what have i turned into?

i’ve always worked hard for the ones that i love, and loved. yet, things just do not fall into place. why? am i jinxed in love. is it Allah’s plan to have me alone for the rest of my life? that can’t be it. even men who are considered the most evil in the world have people who love them for who they are. why is it so hard for me to get the same? have i become to cynical to the notion and concept of love?

i need to old me back. i need to believe in loving, caring and sharing once again.

somebody save me.

Sacrifice?

Had a match against a team with a celebrity yesterday. He is Hady Mirza, Singapore and Asian Idol. The field at ITE Simei is really big but unfortunately, it is a little bumpy for my knee’s liking. After all the talk of putting the squeeze on Hady, he popped up to open the scoring. He is not a flashy player. Always opting for the simple pass. One would expect a superstar to indulge in over-excessive dribbling and tantrum-throwing, but he was a complete professional. Effective and simple. The best way football should be played. Always a sport, he gamely posed for pictures with the team after the match. Not like he was that tired, after all, he sat out the entire second half. Hehe.

My Internet connection has been real bad lately. Having troubles uploading pictures and staying on MSN for an extended period of time. Wonder if it’s just my wireless connection. Shouldn’t be. I’ve had these problems before but it would usually get better after a few days. This has been going on for too long. Wonder if I should call Singnet to address the issue. Not that I think they would do anything about it. Such is my faith with the service standards of local corporations.

My class had their English Paper today. Marking was a ‘joy’ as always. 16 failures. Only 23 passes. Only 59% passing rate. That would not look too good on my EPMS, a performance review document that every teacher dreads filling up. How do we do it? Filling up information to declare all the good things that we have done at work. It seems so self-absorbed. No wonder politics have crept into the teachers’ common room. Unfortunate, but I suppose this move helps keep the industry competitive. However, are our pupils made to pay for our aspirations and ambitions? If a teacher conducts remediation twice or thrice a week, does that mean he/she is doing what is best for the pupils? Let me give you a piece of news that would blow that theory out of the water. A fellow teacher does remediation three times a week. How many failures did she get? Just as many as I did. I don’t even do additional classes for my pupils. Therefore, does quantity justify a better performance grade? What do you think?

How much sacrifice do you need to make in life? For me, you do it for things that you believe in. Take football for instance. It’s no secret that I’m not enjoying my game as much as I used to, due to my injury and the direction the Spiders are going in. I still play as a defensive midfielder, but I do not go into tackles the same way I used to. People shout in my ear, supposedly lambasting me for a lack of effort. That eff-ing pisses me off. Back then, I never held back and I played with my heart of my sleeve. What did I get for all that effort? A knee which has been busted thrice in action for the Redbacks. Jaz and I both agreed that it’s not worth getting injured for the team. Football is just a game. Our sessions are meant to be social. It’s not like the team is going to take care of my medical expenses right? So screw those who think I’m not doing my job. Anyway, it’s not like I consider myself a hard-man anymore. I think I’m turning into a playmaker too. Oh no, another one? Someone’s going to complain that there are too many playmakers in the team. Hahaha.

Tomorrow is just another day. How we live it is up to us. Carpe diem.

What a wonderful day!

The day started with me heading to East Coast Park. The agenda? CABLE-SKIING! For one who is so uncomfortable in water, I was pretty nervous getting onto the board. As a beginner, I was given the task to master the kneeboard first. We had to kneel on the board and keep our balance as we were pulled along by a rope attached to a fast-moving cable. I was quite worried as I saw many before me kissing the water after moving only a few metres forward. When it was my turn, I was pleasantly surprised that I did better than expected. In fact, I was quite comfortable and managed to shout out a few cries of ecstasy. That was when I realized that I wasn’t steering the board towards the buoys. Next thing I knew, the rope slacked and then it jerked violently forward and I was forced to swallow gallons of seawater. What ensued was some haphazard swimming to the shoreline and a long walk of shame back to the starting point.

It was exhausting! My arms hurt and my knees were close to giving way. I got a few runs in and did noticably better each time. Towards the end of the session, I decided to try the wakeboard. Ambitious considering that one should move to the skis first before attempting the wakeboard. My one and only attempt ended with me diving head first into the water after progressing for only a few metres forward. That’s enough for now. It was lots of fun and I’m looking forward to coming back next time so that I can become a bona fide wakeboarder, with all the stunts included!

Went home for a quick nap before heading out to meet Kin and Sya2 at Arab Street. We’re planning to go to Bangkok in July and I took the opportunity to get to know Sya2 better. She’s a petite, pretty girl who spent a considerable part of a life living in Scotland. However, she has no accents and she can still speak our language, Malay. Unlike some people that I know who apparently become westernized after spending at most 2 years studying abroad. Goes to show how silly and unreal some people can be. Never forget your roots. It’s who you are and it’s who you always will be.

We had tons of fun chatting away and laughing at every joke. I was distracted by shouts and screams from next door. The Man United – West Ham game was on and I ran to check whenever I heard someone squeal in delight. United won the game 4-1! Ronaldo got his 40th goal of the season and Tevez scored against his former club. News is not good regarding Rooney. His season may be over due to a hernia problem. It will be of gross injustice if he does not feature in the Champs League final. Fergie said he can taste the title. Millions of fans all over the world feel the same. Chelsea has pushed us all the way and it seems predictions of their imminent demise when Mourinho was sacked seemed premature. They are going to be around for a long time I think. All signs point to a great EPL era, with Arsenal and Liverpool adding spice to the mix. I want the double. However, winning one trophy will already be good enough. Sometimes you can’t have it all. I want to see the Champs League trophy come to Old Trafford again. As long as Chelsea don’t win it, they can never claim themselves to be a big club. However, they always seem to find a way to overcome United. I hope this time the Red Devils will stuff them.

A fantastic day indeed. A day well-spent with good friends, trying out new things. Getting to know a new friend and seeing my team win yet again. I have many reasons to be thankful.

Here’s to better days ahead.